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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Empathy for Embarrassment

Good morning, my friends….
Half of the week is almost over!!

A friend was telling me a story last night about how he’d lost his swim trunks at the beach.  Fortunately they were floating near him, so he didn’t have to be exposed to the entire Myrtle Beach population. 
I could SO relate to his story, it made me start thinking about a couple of my own embarrassing moments.  I’ve had many… On dates I have, fallen UP steps, fallen off curbs, spilled drinks, dropped food in my lap, spilled salad dressing on my date, etcetera, etcetera...  I try to warn people, but no one truly believes it until they see me on an uncoordinated day.

A few other moments have really stuck with me over the years…

The first….
I was 14 or 15 and at the local pool. 

I come from a very small town; there was one pool where EVERY kid ended up, as there was NOTHING else to do.  I had an adorable little blue and white striped bikini.
I sauntered up to the diving board on a warm summer day and dove in.  I swam around a little while then climbed up the ladder out of the pool.

As I stood at the edge of the pool shaking the water from my hair, the life guard on the other side was motioning to me with what I thought was a wave.

I waved back.

I’m thinking to myself “I’ve got it going on today, oh yea…”  I could, possibly, have developed a swagger.

A boy I knew walked over and started chatting with me… further bolstering my adolescent ego.  I smiled and laughed, oozing charm.

Then, a friend walks over, shaking her head, and points to my chest.

In slow motion….. I looked down.


Teenage TrippyBeth was totally mortified!

I turned, jumped back in the pool and stayed under water as long as my lungs would allow.

If I unintentionally had a boob exposed today, I wouldn’t be nearly as upset about it.  In the words of Rachel Green “I got nice boobs.”

The second embarrassing moment that sticks with me…. I was 17 or 18 and at a mall with a friend.
We were on the bottom floor, decided that we were hungry and were going to the upper floor to the food court.
Well, apparently we were starving, because we ascended the steps at a jog.
I have always carried purses with long straps, wearing them across my body, so I don’t have to be bothered to carry it in my hand or have in constantly falling off of my shoulder.
As I skipped up the steps, my purse strap caught on the handrail at step one.  This fact I became painfully aware of at approximately step three.
My momentum, combined with the obvious immobility of the handrail, propelled me into a violent reverse motion down the steps.

I landed at the bottom, roughly on my ass.  The contents of my purse flew all about the common area of the mall.  Lipstick and tampons landed at the feet of the old men who were sitting on benches in semi-comas waiting for their wives.

You know how sometimes you can’t help but laugh in situations that really don’t call for laughter?

I do this a lot.

I started laughing, uncontrollably.  I laughed so hard I could barely breathe.  I sounded like I was smothering puppies.

My friend ran back down the steps, asking if I was alright.  I couldn’t answer; all I could do was shake my head, as tears flowed down my face.

Once she knew that I wasn’t mortally injured, she started laughing, so hard that she bent over at the waist. Silently shaking with laughter.

As these two teenage girls were laughing and crying unceremoniously at the foot of the steps to the food court, an older woman rushed up.

“Honey, are you okay? Want me to go get someone?”  She said as she began to pick up my purse contents.

I still can’t talk… I look up at her, my face soaked with tears, and just shake my head.  She asked a couple more times, I could not regain the ability to verbally communicate, no matter how hard I tried.

The woman finally got aggravated and walked away.  The old men picked up the remaining items that had exploded from my purse, handing me tampons and makeup.

After at least 15 minutes, I regained enough composure to pick my ass up off of the floor, decided I wasn’t hungry after all, dried my face with the hem of my shirt and left the mall

1 comment:

Vigilarius said...

We've all had those sorts of embarrassing situations. I, for instance, once accidentally slid on my bottom down an icy set of stairs. :(