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Monday, August 27, 2012

Abby Normalcy...

Webster’s defines normal as:  a: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern.

“I just want a normal guy” is what some women lament.

As for me, TrippyBeth, normal is boring.  Vanilla is too bland, it, honestly, makes me gag a little bit.  It is like cheesecake, it feels too weird on my tongue.

Many girls love cheesecake, hell there is an entire factory devoted to it.  I am not one of those girls.  It seems like there is a lot of cheesecake out there, I always seem to get the one raised eyebrow when I say that I don’t like it.

One should be able to hypothesize that it would be easy to find someone that isn’t exactly normal on a dating site.  In theory, you can find someone that is abbynormal on dating sites.  But, there are many different degrees.  Believe it or not, there are some guys that are, flat out, too weird for me.

There was one fellow we will call FP.  He has doggedly pursued me for a couple of years.  I can’t say that he isn’t a nice guy, he is, but he just isn’t the guy for me.  And he had a habit that I’d never seen before, at the end of every sentence he spoke, he would make a bizarre sucking sound out of the left corner of his mouth.  Almost like after someone has had dental work, one side of the mouth is numb and the slobber needs to be sucked back into the mouth.
He kept doing that and there was no slobber to be seen.  Maybe he was just quick on the suck and pulled the drool back in before it could even be spotted.  I don’t know, but it was a very distracting habit.  But, I’m sure that my eye rolling is very annoying to some people.  “Did you just roll your eyes?”  Yep…

FP wasn’t what I would consider normal, but he was also not the abbynormal that I am looking for.

There are also the guys that are too dumb for me…
I don’t belong to MENSA; I am far from a genius.  Although, I did get the highest ACT score in my graduating class.  Obviously, I haven’t lived up to my potential, just ask my mother.

Here is an example of an email I received on the dating site:
Do you have a lot in common which is cool I was going get a tattoo down below that said noddy by nature lol do you like your tattoos very sexy reading your profile seems like you had a great personality an funny love that

My reply:
Lol well if you decide to get that tattoo, I'd spell it NAUGHTY or people
Will assume you can't hold your head up... And if it's downstairs, they will doubt your ability to obtain an erection... Just a word to the wise.
Thanks for the compliments btw...

His reply:
Oh my god that is too funny I don't think they would care what it said lol if the horse was playing lol I think they would just want to saddle up in ride

NODDY BY NATURE?!?!??! What in the actual fuck?
I know that at least one of my readers thinks that I am too judgmental, but for fuck’s sake…. If you can’t put together a short, coherent paragraph… well, don’t email me.  I should go add that to my profile.  And the thing is, this isn’t rare AT ALL.  Even men that are professionals use the wrong to, too, two, they’re, there, their.  I don’t know if it’s that they are rushing, or if they just don’t give a fuck…  Maybe it doesn’t bother some girls, maybe they don’t even know the difference.  Beats the hell outta me…

So it’s pretty obvious that I only want a certain kind of weird, someone kinda weird like me.  That’s not too much to ask for, is it? Really?

I have been asked a couple of times in the last few weeks “Why are you still single?”  I really don’t have a one sentence answer to that question.  I’m not completely sure.  I know, and acknowledge that I have some issues.  I’ve put myself out there to date.  I’ve met a lot of really great guys; none of them were the guys for me.  I’ve remained friends with a good portion of them. 

One of the guys I dated briefly, JS, has become a great friend, we often give each other dating advice (he doesn’t listen though).  After a date a while back with a really nice guy that I felt no chemistry with, I gave him my usual after-date statement “Great guy, just not the guy for me.”
He replied “I’m not surprised.”
Me “Why do you say that?”
JS “Because it’s you.”
Me “It just didn’t feel right.”
JS “What if giving it the time to turn into the greatest thing ever, is all it needs for you to feel right?”

Dammit.  I hate it when I feel called out like that… especially when I know it’s from someone who genuinely cares.  I generally give it 2 dates if I like the guy but just don’t feel the chemistry, etc… so far, it hasn’t really changed anything.

So, that conversation, has led me to think about failed dates, and comments that men have made to me over the last few years.  Many, I’m sure have slipped from my memory, off into oblivion.  But, there are a few that have stuck… and I must share them with you.

“I looked at my matches.  There was Barbie doll, Barbie doll, Barbie doll…. Then YOU!”  I actually think this fella meant that as a compliment.  I am no Barbie doll, you’ve seen my photos.  I’m ok with it.  I’d never be the heroine in a movie, only the quirky gal-pal, sidekick.  And I’m ok with that too…

“I’ve dated a lot of models; I want someone I don’t have to worry about guys being all over.”  I replied to this “WOW, I know I’m not a model, but DAMN, way to make a girl feel good!”  He stumbled all over himself then.  “I didn’t mean that I don’t think you’re pretty.”  It’s pretty hard to recover from that.  He turned out to be a pretty cool guy; it just didn’t work out logistically.

“You have blow job lips.” Seriously dude?  That line won’t get you any play from this girl.  And I’d be leery of any girl that took that worm, hook line and sinker…

“You look like you like threesomes.”  Again, does this EVER work?  My reply “I LOVE them; I just won’t ever participate in one with YOU.”  For fuck’s sake…

“I want to tie you to my bed.” This is a statement that needs to take place within a relationship.  If you are involved with someone, and there is trust (this takes A LOT of trust) then tell me you wanna do that, I’ll probably be down for it.  But to tell someone that you’ve never met that you want to do that???

I believe that some guys feel the same way that girls do… “Why can’t I find someone?”  Well, boys, work on your lines.  Please???

Maybe the more sexual statements are simply tests… everyone has an agenda; we’d be lying if we said that we didn’t.  My agenda is to meet a cool, weird, goofy, devoted, faithful man.  But, not everyone’s agenda is the same.  Some dudes (and chicks) are just looking to get laid.  I shouldn’t be upset that they are just putting it out there; they are saving me from wasting time.

I like to think that I am pretty sexual, but if a conversation turns to sex too early, it makes me very nervous.   I mean, I want a guy that wants my bow chica wow wow… but I want it to be about more than that.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that, I WANT IT ALL! Within reason, and I am somewhat flexible.

And the saga continues…

Now that it’s Monday, I’ll give you a brief weekend round up.

I did A LOT of shopping this weekend.  I am not big on shopping, unless it’s thrift shopping.  I love thrift shopping. 

Friday night was all about the alcohol shopping.  I went to Party Town and Party Source.  There has been a white wine that I have wanted since my flamenco guitar player friend introduced it to me, after Irish coffees (TrippyBeth LOVES Irish coffee mmhhmm).
I recalled that it was white (duh) Spanish, and was named after some dude.
So I strolled up and down the wine aisles.  Picked up a couple of other bottles, was about to be discouraged, when BLAM! There it was!

Martin Codax Albarino!!  Now, I’m disappointed that I didn’t buy 2 bottles.  But at least I finally remember what it was so I can buy moreJ.
I also bought a few 6 packs of Newcastle’s Werewolf.  I was so excited, as it’s been hard to find.  Gonna give two 6 packs to my pal JG, he loves it!

How pretty is that??

I spent WAY MORE money on the alcohol than all of the other shopping combined!! 

I also had to go down to the river yesterday to pick someone up, at Anderson Ferry.  I’ve heard of Anderson Ferry before, but I’ve never been there.  Mapquest and the ever pleasant little lady who lives inside my phone got me there with no difficulty.  I have such admiration for the fact that she NEVER GETS ANNOYED when she constantly has to recalculate, when I think that I know a better way!

Tonight, it’s dinner with the girls a Carrabba’s to celebrate KS’s birthday!!  And tomorrow night, a brutal drive, then some ink therapy, to temporarily appease my tadiction!!

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