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Monday, November 5, 2012

Muddling Through a Monday...

Fucking Monday already…

I barely strayed from my bed all weekend. 
The pestilence that has wrapped its wicked, germy arms around me is just not letting go.  I know that I’m irresistible, but dammit!! Move on to another victim please!

But I can claim a small victory for even making it in to the office this morning… It was quite an accomplishment I must say.  I even made it in pretty much on time.

I don’t think that I am contagious, but if I am “Sorry World” just call me Influenza Bethy. 

I was actually too sick to read or write this weekend, that’s really pathetic.  The only thing I accomplished was putting clean sheets on my bed yesterday.  After germifying them for a week, it was really overdue.  I don’t make my bed every day, but I really love crawling into a made up bed.  I just never have any extra time in the mornings to do it… Yea I know, get my lazy ass outta bed earlier…

So… since I was a slug all weekend and I have no tales of debauchery to entertain you with, I will share with you a couple of messages that I got on the dating site.

The first one is from someone I’ll call Grandpa. 

Grandpa thinks that I’m insecure.  I can’t say that he’s totally off base, I definitely have insecurities, dating has only exacerbated them.  What is most puzzling to me about this message is “WHY?”  I got no indication that Gramps was interested in me, however, if he was, this doesn’t seem like a winning approach.

Maybe Gramps is using some form of mind fuckery here.  Point out a girl’s flaws, and then convince her that she’s lucky you want her despite what a train wreck she is.  My ex actually was quite skilled in this.  He would always tell me that no other man would ever want me.  He was a fucking asshole, for the record.

I suppose Grandpa could have just been offering some constructive criticism.  I will do that from time to time, but only after someone has messaged me.  I just don’t randomly seek out men that have preposterous profiles so that I may nitpick them.  It wouldn’t be hard to accomplish that, I just don’t have the time or inclination to be the profile savior.  I will suggest from time to time that a fella add more photos or REPLACE some.  Men have a tendency to take photos from weird angles, angles that do not create flattering photos.  I can look at a photo of myself and see that it’s unflattering; a lot of men are lacking that ability. 

And while we are at it (I may have mentioned this before) what is up with the photos of dudes with FISH?!?!?  I would say that in excess of 50% of the men on dating sites have photos of themselves holding big ugly fish, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? 

I’m not sure that these guys realize that we are no longer Neanderthals, I do not need my man to be a good hunter/fisherman, I can always run out to the Kroger’s to get the catch of the day. 

“Me catch big fish, you my woman.”

I appreciate that a lot of men hunt and fish as a hobby, and I have no issue with that.  But come on dudes, let’s put some more flattering photos up, it’s only going to increase your odds, trust me.  TrippyBeth knows these things. 

I have had guys tell me that a lot of women on the dating sites put hunting/fishing/camping as their hobbies.  I’m sure that for some women, they really do enjoy participating in these activities.  But overall, I call BULLSHIT. 

These ladies are pandering to their audience. 
“Hhhhmmmm, a lot of guys like fishing, it’s obvious by their photos, I’m gonna put ‘fishing’ in my hobbies, that’ll get me a man!”

If you utilize that method, and actually snag a man, won’t you be expected to do a lot of fishing?  Or do you wait until he’s so enamored with you that you then confess the truth that baiting hooks gags you, sitting on a muddy creek bank for hours seems like a ridiculous waste of time, and those waders are not sexy AT ALL??  I don’t have a huge aversion to fishing, I’ve gone before.  But, if I don’t catch a fish in the first 30 or so minutes, I’m over it, yet still stuck there.

That seems like a lot of work to me.  And it’s dishonest.  Who wants to start a relationship out like that? 

Wow, I really strayed from talking about that message didn’t I??

Ok, so here’s the second message worth discussing.

I like how he started the message by saying “No disrespect”.
It’s just like saying “No offense, but you look like you were beat with an ugly stick.”  You just know something insulting is coming after that, but by saying “No offense” it makes it totally ok.  Why else in normal conversation would you ever need to say “No offense” unless you were, in fact, saying something offensive?  Never.  And if someone says “No offense” you are automatically assumed to agree to not be offended.  FUCK THAT.  That doesn’t give anyone free reign, in my book, to say any asshole thing that they feel.  So, if you offend me, I will call you on it, even if you did try to cushion it by saying “No offense”, because just making that statement you’re confirming that you feel that what you’re about to say is offensive. 

Anyway… this approach still confuses me, even after all of this time.  I know I’m moderately jaded about dating sites and the people who use them (yes, I’m jaded about my own behavior as well) but these messages never fail to surprise me.  I believe that 98% of the guys that send these messages would never say these things to a perfect stranger in person.  It’s the whole anonymity aspect that the interwebs provide.  It’s destroying humanity and totally fucking my romantical prospects.

I mean he didn’t even try to butter me up a little bit.  At least tell me I’m pretty for fuck’s sake.  Prime the pump, grease the wheels, do something before you just drive it home.  I’m not sure if these guys know NOTHING about women, or if they simply don’t care.  It’s probably a combination of both, and some of these (ok most) are just dumb asses, there’s not much more you can say.

**Steps down off of soapbox**

I’ve postulated enough for today… Go forth my friends, have an awesome day, see you back here tomorrow!!

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