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Friday, January 11, 2013

Giant Chickens in the Bathroom

Friday, it’s finally here!

I have literally done nothing but work all week.  I have been a total slug.  Well actually, I’ve stopped at the store a couple of times, I have even cooked myself a couple of meals… impressive right?

I have a cooking question though…

What is up with the giant fucking chicken breasts?  Have they always been that BIG??

I have to say that they make me feel extremely inadequate!  I mean, how big are the chickens?  Instead of eating one should I just swallow a bottle of Premarin?  If I’m ingesting all those hormones, shouldn’t MY boobs get bigger?

Now I feel inadequate AND disappointed.

But I had a great dish of baked chicken, potatoes, brussel sprouts, mushrooms, carrots and onions.  I just threw everything in the dish, put a little chicken broth on it, threw it in the oven and retired to the bathtub.
Now, I have chicken to eat for DAYS!

After an hour soak, I got out, supper was done and I ate while watching old episodes of “House”. 

Sometimes, I’m so painfully single…

I have to mention bathroom etiquette again… I know, I know… I’m not obsessed or anything, but my questions remain.

Handicapped stalls.

I will only use a handicapped stall if ALL THE OTHER STALLS ARE FULL.
This, in my observation, makes me a minority.  I would say that 75% of women head straight for the handicapped stall.
I would feel like a total jerk if my NON-handicapped ass was in a handicapped stall and a legit handicapped person had to wait, then judging me as I WALK out with no cane, no wheelchair, not even a limp.
My feelings about avoiding them became strong after one incident in particular…

All normal stalls were full, and I REALLY had to pee.
I saunter into the graciously proportioned handicapped area.
I am precariously doing the hover-pee (which isn’t easy when you’re short and it’s a tall toilet).

Then… all of a sudden, out of nowhere…

B L A M!!

The door is struck, FORCEFULLY with a cane and a little blue haired lady walks in.
AND, she just stands there looking at me as I levitate my ass over the toilet seat.

“Excuse YOU?” I say with a raised eyebrow.

“Hhhmmpppfff” she grunts, and walks out, leaving the door open. 

Peeing in front of someone is one thing, but wiping with an audience? That’s just awkward, take it from me…

Just another day in my life.

Last night while looking for photos to add to my new Flickr page ( I came across a couple of silly photos that I thought I’d share with you.
First, I give you this little gem.
Me, peering up the skirt of Cincinnatus ( who, surprisingly, the city of Cincinnati was named for.  There is nothing under there, in case you wondered.

Me with my mouth on some pork.
Cincinnati is the Porkopolis, so you'll find pigs all over the city.  One has to give them a little love!

Me and my secret lover, The Captain.
Even though I was reminded on vacation why I don't drink rum often.  Holy hangover headache!

And finally, me looking like a total goof in a knit cap!

Have a good weekend friends!!



Vigilarius said...

I've eaten chicken breasts that were so big, I'd be afraid to meet the whole chicken in person. It seems as though they’ve become enormous only very recently.

On a completely unrelated to breasts note, that first photo of you (with the glasses) is wonderful! ;)

TrippyBeth said...

I have a deathly fear of chickens anyway, even normal sized ones. my grandmother had chickens when i was a child and they HATED ME... so their random and unprovoked attacks have left me with a bird phobia..
thanks you chicken fucks!!

and again, Vigilarius, you've made me blush, thank you!

Bob Locke said...

Wow, those chicken breast looked so good I have the same in the oven right now. Come on up to Indy and I'll feed you.

TrippyBeth said...

Bob, I'm starving... on my way!
Gotta love a man that cooks!!