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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Hate, Tampons and Clowns

Today I am going to tell you about a few things that I hate.
You must be shocked!

I hate commercials; I know that they are a necessary evil, even though my TV isn’t free at all.
One of the commercials that I hate the most, which I don’t even think is on TV anymore, was a tampon commercial (they’re all the worst).  In the commercial, a couple is in a little rowboat that springs a leak.  The heroine pulls out an ENTIRE box of tampons and plugs the hole in the boat with one.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Whoever wrote that commercial should be executed, immediately.  While I’m sure that the man, who probably wrote this piece of shit, thought it was pretty clever, I find it ridiculous.  Not offensive, although it equates a woman’s menstruation to a boat flooding with water and a man panicking. 


I don’t watch a lot of TV; I mostly watch repeats of Friends and How I Met Your Mother.  I am now digging on a show called Mysteries of the Museum… I’m a nerd.

The second thing that I’m hating on today is dating sites.  I know, I know if it weren’t for them, what would I write about?  Every pervy message I get destroys a little more of my faith in humanity.  Honestly, I don’t have much faith left.

This guy is a creepo perv. 

When I showed the message to my friend RP he said “It’s as if his cock is a particular delicacy, like chocolate truffles or something.”  I swear, I laughed until tears were streaming down my face.

Every time I get one of these messages, I review my profile and wonder what I’m doing to attract these guys. I, however, don’t think that it’s me. 

There are a few things that I think are taking place here.
#1 There are a large number of creepo pervs out there and dating sites are their hunting grounds of choice.  I mean, why not? Thousands of girls to creep on.  They can message whoever they want, unless they’re blocked.
Again, they are utilizing the shotgun method to dating or getting laid, whichever applies.
I had a guy tell me that he had a friend that had a stock message that he copied and pasted to women, tens and hundreds of women.  He would just copy and paste the message, not even looking at their profiles at all.  And he was occasionally successful at getting laid I suppose.  The small investment of time paid off for him.

#2  I think that a lot of people will say things via the internets that they would NEVER say in person; they feel a level of anonymity.  But, their face is still there for all to see.  So, it’s not completely anonymous.  They could likely be recognized at Kroger or at their kid’s soccer games.  AWKWARD.

“Hey Little Billy’s Dad, you still wanna tie me to your headboard?”

In discussing this with S last night, I asked if it was just me or if there were just larger numbers of creepo pervs.  He said that he thought it was a little of both.


“Well, some of your photos are a little sensual.”

There’s no nudity, no boob shots, just me being me.

Hell, what would I write about if they didn’t message me??

#3  Ok, this thing I don’t HATE, I just don’t understand.

If someone goes out with you, the date seems nice, but there is no chemistry, why would the guy say that he would like to go back out with you “as friends”??

When I asked what that means, the reply was “I don’t know”.  I think he did know, just didn’t want to quantify it to me.

Whatever, I am a fun girl.  I usually think that’s all I am.  G tried to convince me a while back that I’m more than the “fun girl” but I’m not so sure.  I am an acquired taste; I know that, like escargot or sushi.

I just need to find a man with exceptional taste.

Tonight I am going to the USS Nightmare!

Last year when C and I went, a Pigman followed me all through the boat telling me how he was going to eat me.
I may have encouraged this by saying that I did, in fact, taste good.  I was mostly trying to quell the feelings of horror that his mask was inciting.  Masks freak me the fuck out, and birds, clowns, gum, big headed mascots…

I know, I’m a weirdo.

I’m sure there will be clowns tonight, EVERYONE hates clowns… how demented does one have to be to LIKE clowns?  Come on, painted on smiles? And while I’m at it, what kind of asshole parent would hire a clown for a kid’s birthday party?
A parent that hates their kid, I’m guessing.

Well, I am off to sanitize my work space.  A flu-like illness has spread it germy wings over my office. 

Anyone have a haz-mat suit I can borrow???

Today's Jack White video... love this song "If you're headed to the grave you don't blame the hearse!"
I invited my cousin to go see Jack in concert with me.  I know we will have fun, and he appreciates Jack much like I do.

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