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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Neurotic MessyBessy

I over think things, it’s what I do.

I over think men and relationships especially.  I guess it’s out of the fear of having things turn out as spectacularly fucked up as they were in a previous relationship.  I can’t live through that again.

My friend SL says to me “You’re afraid of commitment”.
I reply “Ok, how do I get past that?”
SL “First, find a guy that doesn’t annoy you.”

HA! If it were that easy!

SL was annoyed with me for breaking up with someone that tickled me too much.  “It’s just tickling.”

NO, it’s not JUST tickling.  When someone holds you down and tickles you, when you repeatedly scream about how much you hate it, it’s not just tickling!  It’s fucking mean!

But, unless you’re extremely ticklish, you cannot understand.  From time to time I can tolerate a soft tickle, let me reiterate… FROM TIME TO TIME I CAN TOLERATE A SOFT TICKLE.  Never, never, never will I enjoy being held down and tickled. 

If you are a man reading this and you’ve held a girl down and tickled her, stop being an asshole and QUIT doing it.

What it is about being ticklish anyway??  Once some guys find out that I’m extremely (not an exaggeration) ticklish, they become obsessed with it.  I’m not sure it’s a fetish, but there are a lot of men that are overly focused on it.

But, it has been established that I do not understand men….

Looks like I may not be attending MPMF tonight, which is ok too… there is still Saturday night, if I decide to go. 

I seriously need to spend some time organizing. 

My nickname as a child was MessyBessy… yep, that’s right… I was a messy kid.  I’m still kinda messy, but I am seriously disorganized.  My mind is always going in 50 different directions and I find it nearly impossible to finish even one project.

So, tonight, if I stay home, I am first making a list of goals.  Then, accomplishing at least one of them!!  Then if a book doesn’t grab my attention, maybe TWO!  Holy moly, that will be ccraaazzyy!!!

If I had any sense at all, I’d write.  My novel, obviously, isn’t going to finish itself.  I’ve had so many people encouraging me to finish “I can’t wait to read what happens next!”  yet, I begin another project (this blog) and play around with notes for yet another book. 

Nothing gets finished.  And I’m angry at myself for never finishing anything, even though I doubt that anything I’m writing is actually any good. 

I suppose I wouldn’t truly be a writer if I weren’t a little neurotic and self doubting.  I am definitely those things.

I just feel like my fiction would have a very limited audience.  I don’t think I could pull in the masses like Twilight or 50 Shades of Gray.  I’ve never read either of those, honestly.  I did watch some of the Twilight movies, at my friend’s insistence after I broke my ankle.  But I was high on vicodin and a captive audience, so it really doesn’t count.  I couldn’t get into it.  But I do admire both authors for getting people to turn off the TV and READ. 

So, I’m off to accomplish SOMETHING…. Who knows what it will be????

Hold me accountable tomorrow!!

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