SIck Shopping...

I am so tired today.  Actually, I have been for a few days now.  I’m not exactly sure what’s up with me.  The best way I can describe it, is that I feel like the blood has been drained out of me.

Is it the methotrexate? The prednisone? The dermatomyositis? Am I just lazy? Am I depressed?

It could be the medications, it could be the dermatomyositis.

I am lazy sometimes, but not generally for a stretch of this many days.

I don’t think I’m depressed.  I remember thinking I was depressed after the split with my ex.  I went to a therapist who said “You’re not depressed, you just lived with an asshole for too many years.”  He really nailed it. 

I am still amazed at how my life has changed over the last three years.  It’s definitely been a journey.  The journey, however, has taken a detour over the course of the last 18 months or so with the dermatomyositis.  I get a little angry sometimes, I so don’t want to be the sick girl.  I wanna be Action Girl again…..

I have learned that it is important to listen to my body.  If I’m tired, I have to rest, or I’ll get sick.  And I can’t afford to be sicker than I already am.  I’m hopeful that one more night of lying low will have me back on my game.

Since I’ve been puny and lying around, I realized that I still had a little bonus money burning hole in my bank account.  So I climb out there on the interwebs…. Two things I have been looking for, a bottlecap man and a retro-looking dress. 

Found them both!!

Can't wait to get this little guy... any name suggestions?

THE dress.

I paid a little more than I had planned for my little man, but they are fairly rare, so I think he was worth it. 

The dress I got on sale!!  But I had to buy a pair of shoes to go with, so I really haven’t saved any money.  I seldom ever buy anything new, so this is a real treat for myself!

And DAMMIT, I deserve it!!

Hopefully charming and amusing TrippyBeth will return tomorrow!!!

Voluntary Poisoning.....

One day closer to the weekend!! WOOT WOOT!!!

I think I’m gonna make it!

Once a week, I put poison into my body.

I know you’re thinking “She drinks more than once a week”.

This particular poison is prescribed to me by my physician.  It’s a chemotherapy agent, albeit a mild one.  Methotrexate.

I take it in one dose, once a week.  6 tablets.

Some weeks, on the day after, I feel shiteous.  Other days after I feel fine.  It has been completely unpredictable.

Yesterday was my day after.  I didn’t feel sick really, just super tired.  Of course my condition can cause fatigue as well, but I can usually push through it.

I have an autoimmune condition called Dermatomyositis.  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001842/  It is listed as a “rare disease” by the Office of Rare Diseases.

So, after work yesterday, I went to Kroger, got some veggies, came home and roasted them, then napped.   I woke up from the nap, put on my pajamas and went back to bed.  That was the most sleep I’ve gotten in so long I can’t even remember.  Sometimes I forget to listen to my body, I didn’t forget yesterday!

I was hesitant to begin the methotrexate therapy.  I was already taking a rather large dose of prednisone.  More medication just didn’t seem like a good idea to me.  I held off as long as I could.  But I just wasn’t getting better.

In May of this year, I relented.  I started poisoning myself every Monday night (which is now Monday or Tuesday, depending on the functioning of my brain) the first part of May.  I was hoping to see some improvement before I went on vacation at the end of the month.

Doesn’t that sound poetic? “I poison myself every Monday”…..

I have to admit, now, 3 months later, I can tell that it is working.  So well, in fact, that I am attempting to wean myself off of the prednisone.  I am seeing enough improvement that I am hopeful that, soon, I can go back to being Action Girl (a nickname given to my by a friend).  I miss Action Girl, she kicks ass.  But only in a good way, she’s a lover not a fighter!

Keep your fingers crossed for me my friends!!!

Tonight will be a sad evening….. one of my best friends, JG, lost his father on Sunday and the services are tonight.

JG’s papa fought a long battle, as did his entire family.  My heart is breaking for him, I love him like a little brother, he is such a good man. 

Please send some good vibes JG’s way………….