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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Some Days Suck...

Having a chronic illness sucks, in sooooo many ways.


First, which I don’t even have to mention, is the fact that you have a chronic illness… it’s totally unfair and sucks royally (not in a good way).


Second, doctor visits.  My doctor visit frequency has decreased since my diagnosis and since I refuse to go unless I’m afraid that I could possibly be dying a painful death.  If I thought I was dying lost in some beautiful reverie, it is unlikely that I’d pursue any medical care.


Third, medication.  I take what seems, to me, a lot of medication.  A chemo medication, steroids, anti-inflammatories, anti-chemo side effect medication, stomach medication, vitamins, and some holistic stuff.  It’s a pain to take all of this to stave off effects of my particular disorder because some of it has to be timed and you have to plan if you’re going places, it’s also expensive.  Money I’d much rather spend at the thrift store or on booze…


Fourth, “you don’t look sick”.  I don’t want people to think of me as “sick” really, but I also want people to understand that if I have to bow out of something, it’s not because I’m lazy.


Fifth, I’m fucking tired.  Not ALL of the time.  I try so hard to be the same girl that I was before I got sick.  But who am I kidding? I am so much less active now.  I still push myself to do the things that I like to do.  I get out with the camera as often as I can and I would love to do more urbex (even though after I did my last solo urbex adventure I was sick with a fever for 2 days).

Today, I feel like I’ve been exsaunguinated.

And if I over-do-it I’ll get sick with some crappy virus or something that I can’t even quantify.


Sixth, pain.  I’m tired of the random pain.  While it’s not debilitating, it’s exhausting.  I’ve been dealing with a slipped-rib fuckweasel malady for about a week… I’m so over it.


Today, I’d just really like for someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me that everything will be okay…


Anonymous said...

I know that feeling all too well. I have had a very trying week as well. I had a chance to do something big and I fucked up now I feel miserable.

TrippyBeth said...

Sorry :-(
What was it? Was it something YOU really wanted?
Sometimes, it's good to recognize what good things that you already have, feel the gratitude for them, maybe just acknowledge them? I don't know, but it never serves me well if I focus for too long on what I don't have.
I have been a little overly focused on what I do have this week, the illness... but it will pass.
Hope your week gets better, starting right now!

Anonymous said...

I hope the same for you as well. Life is too short to dwell on the bad parts.