Not The Girl

Hello friends, happy rainy miserable Monday!

My posts may be limited for the next week or so.  I’ve started another writing project, which I am hoping to maybe even get published!!  I won’t share the piece here, it shows a different side of me that I don’t think that I want to portray within this blog.

However, I do not plan to leave you high and dry without ANY posts from TrippyBeth!! That would just be MEAN, right? I’m a lot of things, but mean usually isn’t one of them.

So this weekend wasn’t too eventful in my world, which I was ok with.  I was mostly lazy Friday night and began the new writing project.  I had several false starts, hit the delete key more than I’d like to admit, but I’m mostly satisfied with the start that I stuck with.

Saturday was pretty lazy too, piddled around the apartment, went out to pick up a dessert at the bakery for Sunday’s early Thanksgiving festivities,  watched Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and ate supper from Giuseppe’s.  I really liked the movie… I should read the book.  I’ll add that to my list of things that I’ll probably never do.

Sunday, we had the previously mentioned early Thanksgiving back home.  It was a lovely day, albeit a little windy, the food was good and the bulk of the family was there.

All of the “real food” was an assault on my digestive system! UG I was in misery for the rest of the day.  Even after a walk to the cabin to try and encourage peristalsis!

Then the long (hour) drive back to civilization, a glass of iced tea and back to the writing project.

HA! I act like I’m a real writer.  Wishful thinking, I suppose.

The issue that I’m pondering today, which isn’t easy with the other writing thing swirling around in my head, is the question “Why am I not the girl?”

This will probably sound like whining, but really that’s not how I intend it.  You hear men always talk about being in the “friend zone” well that isn’t exclusive to the male population.  I have many guy friends.  The majority of them I’ve dated.  But I wasn’t “the girl” and sometimes they weren’t “the guy”.  But we have enough of a fondness for one another that we stay in each other’s lives.

G asked me over the weekend if I thought it was rare for women to have male friends that didn’t try to fuck them.  As a woman he had spoken to said that she couldn’t have male friends that didn’t want in her pants.

I have a lot of guy friends, I don’t get the impression that they want to fuck me… maybe I’m just not as fuckable as that girl is? Maybe she has an over-inflated opinion of herself? Maybe she just hangs out with assholes?  Who knows?

I have often said that I suck at many things, but I don’t think being a friend is one of them.  I’ve been there for my guy friends when they’ve needed me and they’ve been there for me.  We are true friends.

So I must have some degree of awesomeness, that guys like, however, it’s not enough awesomeness that someone would LOVE.

Many of the guys I’ve dated have gone on to be in real committed relationships after me.  And I wonder what that girl has that I didn’t have?  I know that I tend to remain somewhat aloof at times, but that’s strictly for self preservation… If I don’t protect my heart, who will?

Maybe guys want the girls that are “all in”?  In my mind, jumping in with both feet like that would seem frightening to a guy.  I’m sure it’s all about the right balance, which I obviously don’t know how to negotiate.

I’d like to form a committee of about 6 men that I’ve previously dated.  I’d like an evaluation of my dating technique, and a listing of the things that were attractive/intriguing about me and a list of the things that were unattractive/off-putting or just weird.  I mean, how can we correct our mistakes if we don’t know what we’re doing wrong?

I have definitely been doing something so very wrong…

**If you’re reading this, and I’ve dated you, help me out… you can even do it anonymously.**