Movies, Chefs and Penis Bombing

Note to self: Mute voice when earbuds are in… especially when you’re rocking out some Kid Rock…

Welcome to Detroit muthafuckers!!

When talking about movies to a friend this morning, I remembered a date with a guy several months ago.  He seemed pleasant enough.  Even though I learned later that he is obsessed with the fact that he thinks he looks like Guy Fieri (what the fuck?).

We meet at a local bar, order drinks… me, a Guinness…him, a sex-on-the-beach.  When he first mentioned it, I thought he was kidding, but NOPE, he was totally serious.

Ok, not everyone likes beer, I guess, even though it’s a sign of poor taste, but I let it slide.

Everything seemed awkward after that. Then we began to discuss movies, usually a safe topic.

I explained that my favorite movie is THE SHINING… best movie EVER… the trifecta King/Nicholson/Kubrick.  He just nods.

Things get worse.

He tells me his favorite movie… The Notebook.

I laughed out loud.  I think I even snorted.

Mr.Fieri was not amused, apparently that wasn’t a joke.

I press on… I say I also love the movies Pale Rider and Grand Torino.  I love Clint Eastwood.

Then………… Fieri says “I don’t really like Clint Eastwood.”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Dude, I just saw your nuts roll across the floor.

I know I sound overly judgmental…. BUT COME ON!!! Who doesn’t like Clint Eastwood??  Hell, I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed now, and he’s what, 153?

The date, for all intents and purposes, was over at that moment.

My screening process is, obviously, not too sophisticated.

Today, I’m sharing with you another message from the dating site…

I don’t get it… really… who does this work with?

Flirty sexting with someone you have a relationship with can be fun… yea, I know it’s risky, but, dammit, life is short, gotta have fun when you can!

But just sending photos of your junk to random women and having them watch you choke your chicken??  Is that what gets you off dude? 

Penis Bombing…

Forgive me if the fallout from that is not something I want on me…AND isn’t that what Tumblr is for anyway?

I don’t subscribe to the “you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all theory.”  However, random ones just don’t excite me all that much.  I mean, BLAM, penis bombed!!!! 

MY EYES!!!

Will someone please save me from this?????  I’m not sure how much more I can take…