Cocktails, Pizza and Wagers Won!

 

Happy Monday my friends… wow, what a weekend!

I am beat down and a little sick today.  Glad that the plague waited until Sunday night to attack me.

So now, for the weekend round up…

Friday night I hit Mainstrasse.  The first stop was OKBB, of course.  I enjoyed a Woodford, as always and a Dragon’s Milk Ale.  This stout was so amazingly delicious… I can’t say enough good things about it, smooth, with a hint of sweetness and the taste of bourbon tickling your palate at the end, totally worth the $12 a snifter full.  And at 10% alcohol, you won’t have to buy too many of the pricy glasses!

Since OKBB was getting pretty packed we ventured up to The Wiseguy Lounge, which is located speakeasy-ishly above Goodfella’s Pizza (http://www.goodfellaspizzeria.com/) we grabbed a slice and headed up, I have to say that the spinach artichoke pizza was pretty tasty, even though I don't like to eat too much if it's a cocktail night. The lounge is an intimate size, brick walls, leather sofas and (not my preference) two big screen TVs on the wall.  They did have a nice selection of craft beers on tap and a nice menu of cocktails.

The bartenders conjure their libation creations with much flourish, tossing around cocktail shakers, lighting things on fire, etc… it’s entertaining to watch.

I bellied up to the bar and asked the bartender to make a recommendation.  He attempted to point me to the drink menu, but I prefer to first try what they say is their signature drink.  He recommended the Old Fashioned.  I commented that I was a fan of the Old Fashioned. “This is different” he replied.

Hhhhhmmmm, I’m usually not a huge fan of altering the classics, but I chose it just the same.  The only real alteration in the drink was the fact that they briefly scorch the orange peel with the flame from a Bic lighter.  I can’t say that it added a lot to the drink, it was a solid Old Fashioned.  You could taste a hint of the sear at the end, all in all, a good drink.

There were foosball games playing on the big screens.  I have to make it known that I know NOTHING about football, truly.  We settled in on the leather sofas across from another sofa occupied by some football fans.  They quickly asked us who we were rooting for in the game.  I first had to ask who was even playing.

“UC and Louisville.”

I replied “Since I’m a KY girl, I have to go with Louisville.”

Well this prompted the UC fans to give me shit. 

It’s ok, I can take some shit.

I bet one fan that Louisville would win, he agreed, the wager was a drink.

I didn’t even really watch the game, what good would it do me when I don’t even understand anyway?

The game tied, it went into overtime.

GUESS WHO WON??

Yep, you got it LOUISVILLE!!!

So I received a free Manhattan out of the deal!!

The Manhattan!

Me and the loser, who was a great sport!

My hair looks so terrible because I had to wear a rain hat, the rest of me I have no excuse for.

I never win anything; it was a nice change of pace.

I saw one interesting tattoo, so I approached the girl wearing it to ask her what it meant.

The tattoo belonged to the lovely Stephanie and it was based on an illustration from the children’s book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein.  The story is based on a young boys relationship to a tree, and the tree giving him all of the things that he needs at different times in his life.  At the end of the story, all the boy needs is a place to sit and read and the tree provides the stump on which to do so.

While I do not think that all tattoos have to have any significant meaning behind them, the beauty can definitely be enough, it’s nice to see a thought out tattoo with significance to the owner.

Halloween round-up to come in addition posting!

Saturday Musings...

 

Have you ever had an experience where you reflect back and think “Did that really fucking happen?”

I’m sure that you have, everyone has…

I have decided that dating is devastating to self-esteem, at least to my self-esteem anyway.  If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you probably already know that I’m pretty self-deprecating.  I like to think that I’m just a realist.  I know what I am, and what I’m not.  But, sometimes when getting it shoved in your face makes all that realism go flying right out the damn window.

I know that everyone can’t like everyone, I haven’t liked everyone that I’ve went out with.  Obviously, if I had, I probably wouldn’t be single right now.  But rejection hurts, even when you have nothing invested in a relationship, and even when you also felt like it wasn’t a “love connection”.

Why is that?

I don’t feel that I’m one of those people that HAS to be liked by everyone, I’m not.  I have a fan-fucking-tastic circle of friends; I know that there are people that love me, even when I sometimes wonder why.  I know that’s my issue.

I think that I’m one of those people that other people either LOVE or CAN’T STAND.  I’ve recently discovered people on both ends of the spectrum.  I haven’t changed my MO based on who I’m with, I’m always me all the time (which could also be a problem).

If you don’t like someone, you should be honest about it.  Not in a mean way, of course, but in a grown-up kinda way.  I am not in the business of hurting anyone’s feelings.  What comes around goes around, karma, etc…  I don’t need bad mojo in my life.  However, I also understand that some people do not get the hint.  I don’t think I’m one of those people.   If someone tells me that they don’t like me, I’m out…  I would NEVER push myself on someone.  Who would want that anyway?  I don’t want someone to want me because I’ve worn them down!  And many of the guys that I haven’t had a romantic connection with I’ve kept as friends.  I obviously suck as girlfriend material, but I am a kick ass friend.  I think I’m loyal and dedicated, I’ve got my friends’ backs.  Hopefully there’s no fighting involved, I can talk smack, but when it comes down to violence I wouldn’t be that girl! Thankfully, my friends don’t really throw down like that, so it’s never been an issue.  I guess if all hell broke loose and it was a critical situation, I’d get in there.  Hopefully I’ll never have to!

Sigh, I’m just over-analyzing everything today.  Rethinking recent and past decisions.  Trying to pin point the moment when this whole journey went off the rail.  I can identify moments where I definitely pulled the pins out of the track, as far as the path to the train wreck… I am not sure where it began.

Honestly, I never thought that I’d be ALONE this long.  When I was first single, I knew I wanted to have fun for a while, but I’m really a relationship girl.  I think I’m good in a relationship; I’m good to whomever I’m with.  I tend to be a caretaker, I like making someone happy, and it is in me to please.  But finding someone I trust enough to show that side of myself to, well, it’s certainly been hard.  I wouldn’t want anyone to mistake my desire to please as a weakness or neediness, it’s not. And I don’t want to be someone’s soul source of happiness, that’s too much responsibility.  Everyone has to have their own source of joy, outside of another person.  I have my writing, photography, books, friends… I just need a relationship to compliment all of that, and I want to be a compliment in someone else’s life.

I think that my expectations or goals are practical and not unreasonable.  But, obviously there is problem with this program.

Anyway, tonight there is Halloween debauchery on tap!  I LOVE Halloween, so it’s going to be a good night!  No rejection, no relationship talk, just a great time.  I need it!!!

Keep your eyes open for a vampy Parisian showgirl vampire… it’ll be TrippyBeth!!!

Dreams, Bourbon and Halloween Ass

Thank jeebus, it’s Friday!

I know, I know… wishing my life away.  But I’ve come to accept that, it is my way.

I seldom ever remember my dreams.  I must dream, I have to, right?  I do think I suffer from a lack of REM sleep due to my insomnia, so I probably don’t have A LOT of dreams.  But once every few months I’ll have a dream that I actually recall.

The last one I dreamt that my Grandfather (who’s been gone 11 years) was helping me unpack boxes in a basement.  I kept trying to throw stuff away, saying that I didn’t need it.  But he kept telling me to keep it because I might need it someday.  That was totally out of character for him.

I tried self-analyzing the dream.  Maybe there is something that I am dismissing in my life that I shouldn’t be?  I never really came to any self-awareness regarding the dream…

So, back to last night… I dreamt that I drove to a little country store that was high on a hill above the road.  I was driving a Taurus that I had, like, 12 years ago.  I had my cat, Lucy, with me.  I took her in the store with me… AND I LOST HER!  It was bizarre, I took her in without a leash or anything.  So, I wonder what this dream means? Have I lost something? Should I be careful NOT TO lose something? OR… was it just the German beer and sausage talking to me?

Lucy and I.

I used to have night terrors.  Occasionally as a child and also as an adult.  I remember once dreaming that I was on a train (I’ve never been on a train outside of an amusement park).  And the train went careening over a cliff.  So, like in a movie, half of the train was dangling over the cliff and the rest was still on the track.  I happened to be in the half of the train that was dangling.  In the dream, I start to climb up, over the seats and out of the train.  In real life, I was crawling toward the foot of the bed.

I awoke when I landed elbow-first on the hardwood floor.  It hurt like a motherfucker and was extremely disorienting.  It took me a few minutes to realize I was no longer on a train and, in fact, in my bedroom.

Several other times my nightmares were filled with murderous pursuers who would chase me until I’d tell myself “Who am I kidding? I’m not fast.”  And I’d choose to fight them in the dream.  In actuality, I’d get out of the bed and act out the battle at my bedside.  Kicking random pieces of furniture, breaking lamps, seriously bruising the shit out of my feet…

I would sleep walk from time to time as a child.  Waking up in different parts of the house, be slightly confused and just go back to bed.

I’m not sure if all of this points to just a sleeping disorder or possibly a mental disorder.  I haven’t had either the night terrors or the sleep walking for a few years.  I’m pretty sure the last round of night terrors were stress induced, and I don’t have that stress anymore… YAY!

Now, if I could just sleep…

The valerian and melatonin sometimes helps me drift off…but within 2 hours I’m back awake.  It fucking sucks.

This weekend looks to be a busy one!

Old Kentucky Bourbon Bar tonight…mmmmmmmmm… it’s going to be chilly, so bourbon will be the perfect antidote.  I may tutor someone in the joys of bourbon… I like sharing the love…I’m a giver… give, give, give.  Maybe, I’ll tell Josh about The Cy prototype.  C had one last week and was surprised at how tasty and not-too-sweet it was.  I may be on to something.

Tomorrow night… Halloween Pub Crawl!  I can’t wait to dress up!!!  I still need to get some denture adhesive (for my fangs) and some fishnet stockings.  The plan is to start out at OKBB tomorrow night too, but I have yet to go to the WiseGuy Lounge, which supposedly also has a nice bourbon selection and they make craft cocktails.  So, maybe we will try that place out.  I think the official Crawl starts at Cock-N-Balls (Cock-N-Bull for the layperson) but that place is always so packed on weekends anyway, not sure I can tolerate the claustrophobia-inducing crowd.  So we shall see if we actually participate in the “Crawl” proper.

Here are a couple of photos from last year. 

This elderly gentleman was offering free breast exams, unfortunately, I'd already had mine.

This is a REAL ass, we thought it was fake, until we got down there.  It appeared to be surprisingly smooth, and dude was quite proud of it!

The theme was Career Zombies.  I wanted to be a police officer zombie but waited too late to buy a costume, so I was a body guard zombie, which looked a lot like a police officer zombie.  Oh and a slutty one to boot.  When we walked out of the first bar last year, a dude sitting at a table on the sidewalk said “There’s a slutty LA cop!”

I was all “Hell yea! I NAILED it!”

On Monday, hopefully, I will entertain you with Halloween photos and tales of debauchery!!

Have a great Halloween weekend my friends, I certainly intend to!!!

And, finally, a White Stripes video in honor of the season, Little Ghost.

Eight Legged Discrimination, With a Side of Cupcake

I just realized….

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!  WOOT WOOT!!!

This morning I shared my shower with this kinda hairy dude.  Now, I cannot let it be said that I mind some hair on my man, because I don’t mind it at all.  However, I DO MIND IT ON SPIDERS!!!

FUCKADILLY!

I didn’t kill him or relocate him.  I just kept one eye open the entire time that I was in the shower.  He appeared to be one of those hoppy kinda spiders, and even though I don’t have a spider phobia, I know that I would lose my shit if he jumped on me.

But, ArachnaHarry was quite the gentleman; I didn’t even feel like he was staring at my boobs.  Which honestly, was a little disappointing… what girl doesn’t like to start her day out with a nice dose of ogling??  NOT this girl!

So… without my ego being bolstered, I endeavored on.  I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before or not, but I am so not a morning person.  I am generally a little cranky in the morning, and I usually prefer not to talk for at least 30 minutes upon waking.  I think that part of this could be due to my insomnia.  MAYBE if I ever got a good night’s sleep I’d wake up pleasant and perky.  I mean anything’s possible, right?

Actually, I think if I could wake up, have a little snuggle time, not with my “pretend boyfriend” (my body pillow that my asshole cousin dubbed my pretend boyfriend… not cool Cuz, not cool at all) I would have a much better outlook and a way better start to my day.

A girl can dream, right??

Anyway, upon arriving at the office, this is what I encounter.

It has been giving me the stink eye all morning…

You will not beat me cupcake… I do not even like all of your fancy flirty icing.  Your sprinkle winking has no power over me… so bring it bitch.  We will see who wins this cupcake war…

Back to the dating front… calling it a front is very appropriate, sometimes it, indeed, feels like a war-zone… random attacks, penis bombing… it’s hell out there people.

Today’s interesting message is this one:

This is the first message of this particular nature that I’ve ever received.  I’ve, of course, had messages from men of other races asking if I would partake of their specific flavors, but never from a man of my own race.  I’m left wondering…

Is this really an issue?

Is the population of women that will only date exclusively OUTSIDE of their race that large?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve watched Maury Povich, I know that some women have a predilection for things a little more… ummmm… exotic.  But, I am certain that a lot of that is faked up for TV, so that would lead me to believe that the numbers are even less than trash TV would lead you to think.

But now, with this message, I’m thinking that I’m totally wrong.  Shocking, I know, and honestly, it’s not the first time.

I know that everyone had their “thing” that they’re attracted to, whether it’s a look, a type, etc…

I like hands, I know, I’m a weirdo.  Strong hands, working hands, musician hands, artist hands…  Hhhmmmm, maybe that’s why I’ve started a hand collection?? That just now hit me.

I actually understand people that date whomever, regardless of race.  Why cull anyone?  I can’t say that’s me, it’s strictly a matter of attraction, not that I have a specific aversion to anyone (unless they’re assholes, and they come in every color).

But… to totally turn away from your own race?  I wonder what spurs that?  I mean I’ve been involved with a total fucking asshole, that shared my skin color (admittedly not as pale)  but I don’t believe that every Caucasian man is a total fucking asshole, it’s statistically impossible.  AND I have yet to become THAT jaded.

I’d love to hear opinions…

Last night C and I were discussing dating as we always seem to do.  He quantified some of the qualities that he thinks are good about me.  So I said “So, why can’t I find anyone?”

“Because it’s you.”

I didn’t even try to analyze that… I’ve been called “Elaine” by two separate people in the last week, two people that don’t even know each other.

Awesome.

Elaine did have David Putty though, right???????

And I’ll leave you with this last pic, snagged from someone else that messaged me…

All I can say is “Really dude?”.

 

Movies, Chefs and Penis Bombing

Note to self: Mute voice when earbuds are in… especially when you’re rocking out some Kid Rock…

Welcome to Detroit muthafuckers!!

When talking about movies to a friend this morning, I remembered a date with a guy several months ago.  He seemed pleasant enough.  Even though I learned later that he is obsessed with the fact that he thinks he looks like Guy Fieri (what the fuck?).

We meet at a local bar, order drinks… me, a Guinness…him, a sex-on-the-beach.  When he first mentioned it, I thought he was kidding, but NOPE, he was totally serious.

Ok, not everyone likes beer, I guess, even though it’s a sign of poor taste, but I let it slide.

Everything seemed awkward after that. Then we began to discuss movies, usually a safe topic.

I explained that my favorite movie is THE SHINING… best movie EVER… the trifecta King/Nicholson/Kubrick.  He just nods.

Things get worse.

He tells me his favorite movie… The Notebook.

I laughed out loud.  I think I even snorted.

Mr.Fieri was not amused, apparently that wasn’t a joke.

I press on… I say I also love the movies Pale Rider and Grand Torino.  I love Clint Eastwood.

Then………… Fieri says “I don’t really like Clint Eastwood.”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Dude, I just saw your nuts roll across the floor.

I know I sound overly judgmental…. BUT COME ON!!! Who doesn’t like Clint Eastwood??  Hell, I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed now, and he’s what, 153?

The date, for all intents and purposes, was over at that moment.

My screening process is, obviously, not too sophisticated.

Today, I’m sharing with you another message from the dating site…

I don’t get it… really… who does this work with?

Flirty sexting with someone you have a relationship with can be fun… yea, I know it’s risky, but, dammit, life is short, gotta have fun when you can!

But just sending photos of your junk to random women and having them watch you choke your chicken??  Is that what gets you off dude? 

Penis Bombing…

Forgive me if the fallout from that is not something I want on me…AND isn’t that what Tumblr is for anyway?

I don’t subscribe to the “you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all theory.”  However, random ones just don’t excite me all that much.  I mean, BLAM, penis bombed!!!! 

MY EYES!!!

Will someone please save me from this?????  I’m not sure how much more I can take…

Cemetery Girl Strikes Again!

Wow! Yesterday was a fabulously beautiful day in the Ohtucky!!

I haven’t taken any photos for a while, so after a little urging by a friend (thank you Mary) I headed out to Linden Grove Cemetery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linden_Grove_Cemetery) the oldest surviving cemetery in Covington.  It is quite lovely and peaceful, but most cemeteries are really.  I was lucky enough to be the only person there, aside from the residents, of course.

I walked over almost all of it, taking photos, some of which were good, others, meh.  It was nearly noon, so the sun was not too cooperative as it tends to be.  The most random shots turned out to be the best.

I even stretched out under a tree for a little while, letting the peace of the place wash over me...

The Cemetery Girl in her repose.

The view from the ground.



The following photos are from Linden Grove:

Hmmmmm, keeping someone OUT? Or Keeping SOMETHING in?

I especially like how I accidentally got my shadow in this shot, however, I wish that I had not gotten my car in it.



After Linden Grove, I headed over to Spring Grove Cemetery.  To say that I am enamored with this place would be an understatement.  Of course, everyone in the tri-state area loves it, and why wouldn’t they??  The views are breathtakingly beautiful.

The following photos are from Spring Grove Cemetery:

The Dexter Mausoleum, built for a whiskey barron, PERFECT.

I love the light in this shot, but i really want to get back when the leaves are gone and the sun isn't so high in the sky, so that I can get a good photo of the mausoleum in it's entirety.

Gothic architecture has to be my absolute favorite.

Can you imagine spending eternity here??

Facebook Inadequacy

Aaaaahhhhhh Facebook, in one fell swoop you can make me feel good about myself and sorry for myself at virtually the same time.

Let’s be honest people, what would we do without the ability to hide our “friends” on Facebook??  Well, I wouldn’t be able to be on Facebook.

I have friends that are a little Jesus-obsessed, game-obsessed, self-obsessed, etcetera.  

Just because someone is crazy doesn’t preclude them from being my friend.  Actually a little crazy is a prerequisite I think,  and if other people didn’t want crazy friends, I wouldn’t have any friends at all.

Sometimes I feel assaulted by Facebook posts.  I understand that the majority of my friends are Christian, and that’s cool.  But come on, if I scroll past a post about Jesus, I am certain that I’m not confirming my passage straight to hell.

If hell exists, I’m probably going, but it will have nothing to do with Facebook, and everything to do with debauchery.  Who wants to be the lame-ass in hell, sent there for scrolling past a post, while seated next to Charlie Sheen as our skin blisters and sizzles.  I am not going to be embarrassed in hell I can tell you that right now!!  I’ll just get up and move if seated next to Mr.Sheen!!

The abused children posts get to me even more than the Jesus posts.  The photo of a child with some obvious injuries (it is not known how they got them) with a caption saying “Like if you’re against child abuse”  “Scroll past if you think this child should be abused”.

For fuck’s sake!!  I don’t support child abuse, really who does? And the psychos that do aren’t going to publicly admit it.  But COME ON people, you are destroying FB and possibly humanity with these posts!!  What I wonder is, for everyone that seems so altruistic on FB, do you volunteer? Do you even donate to children’s charities? Then why not post that? Encourage people to join you in your benevolence?  Oh wait, that might be HARD.  Liking, sharing, that’s easy and makes you look like a good person, so that’s definitely what one should do.  Life is all about appearances.

When FB makes me feel bad about myself is when I am subjected to the “My boyfriend loves me so much” “I got flowers for no reason” “I just got engaged”… I can’t say that I wish bad things on these people, I don’t, and I am happy when my friends are happy, truly I am.

But dammit, I’m jealous.

I guess that’s probably the main objective of FB, make folks jealous… well that and make people feel sorry for you. 

I’ve recently had to hide some people that want to play out their marriage drama for everyone to read.  If you are over 25, you shouldn’t change your “relationship status” unless it’s something serious.  If you change it every other week, you look like a total retard.

And if you are in excess of 50 years of age, DO NOT tell your relationship problems to the whole facebook world!  While you may get sympathy and “you’re too good for this” comments, you still look pretty damn pathetic.  Especially when two days later, you’re thanking jesus for what a wonderful weekend you’ve had with the one that you love. 

There should be some sort of filter for posting, it should analyze your posting and alert you that you are sharing TOO MUCH INFORMATION, and you should have to put in a password and a good excuse for over sharing.  Just as you should have to put in a password when posting after 1a, because it’s pretty likely that you’re drunk and shouldn’t be posting.

Anyway… back to feeling bad about myself.  When I see someone that I know, that is legitimately crazy, getting married or engaged, etc… I start feeling inadequate.  If everyone else in the world can find someone.. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

Let’s quantify…

I know I’m no Miss America, but on typical day, I’m not exceedingly hideous.

I have a decent job, not looking for anyone to support me.  But let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to split bills with someone?  That’s only prudent.

I’m not the village idiot; I can hold an intelligent conversation.  I’ve even been called smart and interesting.

I can cook!!  And I give a fantastic massage…

What is not to love???

I haven’t mentioned my quirks, my phobias, my hang ups… which could be endearing, right??

Apparently not…

(and with this post I have just done exactly what I claim to hate... do not point out the irony, I totally get it)

WARNING! WARNING! EXES CALLING!!

I only speak to my ex about two or three times a year now, which is perfectly acceptable… it could actually be too frequent honestly.  However, it doesn’t stress me out anymore, because I truly don’t care.

That sounds cold.  I’m genuinely not a cold person, but sometimes you have to let things go.  I’ve left all of that in my past.  I even feel unaffected when something brings back some horrible memory.  It’s almost like it all happened to someone else, like I’m watching it in some pathetic Lifetime movie.  Tiffani Amber Theissen begging someone to put down the gun?? Meh, I’ll pass up on that.

Anyway, I’m leaving work the other day, and guess who calls??

Fuckity fuck fuck. 

I almost don’t answer.  But I fear that someone has died, I mean, what other reason would he have to call?

I answered.

Sadly, no one died.  (That DID sound cold)

He was calling to check on me, see how I’m doing.  Awesome.

I’m great. 

Then I had to listen to how horrible his life is.  Sorry about your bad luck dude, but the point of splitting up is so we don’t have to give a flying fuck about how miserable the other’s life is.  Someone needs to learn this little lesson.  But guess what? I will not be the one teaching the lesson.

So, after a lot of “Mmmhhmm”s and “Oh yea?”s. I bid him a farewell.

I have a lot of regrets… ending things with him… NOT ONE OF THEM.  My only true regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.  But it is what it is… in the past, where I intend it to stay.

I get a message on the dating site last night “You’re really cute, I like your fingernails”.

Huh?

Thanks for complimenting my most distinctive feature dude.  I mean if a guy compliments my nails, it’s on like Donkey Kong!  NOT.

I’ve heard all kinds of lines, I’ve mentioned some of them, but are some guys just not even trying?  Are they simply socially retarded?  Am I expecting too much?

And, while I like compliments (I mean, who doesn’t?) I’d actually like to know that someone read my profile.  It’s wordy, I know (surprise, surprise) but I really think that it draws an accurate picture of who I am.  It’s pretty obvious the guys that only look at the photos, from their messages. 

“I’d like to worship your ass” or various other body parts.  I’m left to wonder, again, if that ever works.  Hell, I’m not even bootylicious, so I don’t get it.

The guys that do make it all the way through to the end of my profile usually tell me that they did.  It is an honorable thing.  I should start handing out ribbons.  “I SURVIVED TRIPPYBETH’S PROFILE!”  A round of applause ensues.

Today a “cute young doctor” (his description, not mine) sent me a message offering me a house call with a free “oral exam”.

How generous!!  An exam that I don’t even have to turn in to my HMO.

Wait a damn minute…

Could he have an ulterior motive?

Where are all of the altruistic cute young doctors who don’t want to see me burdened with paying my deductible??

NONEXISTENT!

In all honesty, I’m totally OK with paying for a gyno exam.  I’m not sure an orthopedist would be qualified anyway.

And the cute young doctor line will never work on me.  I’ve worked with many doctors over the course of my career, they do nothing for me.  They annoy me mostly.  Now, if he had said that he was a mountain climbing, puppy loving, bird-phobic, novelist… I’d be all over that shit!!!

I’m sure I’d find something wrong with him too… that just seems to be how I roll.  I’m, sincerely, trying to overcome that little personality flaw… we shall see how that works out!