Art and the Trippy Grinch

Thursday! YAY!  And the first day of my new 9-5 schedule.  It was so nice to get that extra hour of sleep.

I am sooooooo not a morning person, so every extra minute I can get is totally welcomed!

It is Thursday and December 6, 19 days until Christmas and 21 days until VACATION!!!

Believe it or not, I’ve actually started Christmas shopping!

As I’ve stated before, I am not a big fan of the holidays, and I am even less enamored with the shopping that is required.

But this week I purchased my parent’s gift, a two night stay at a local vineyard.  I think they’ll enjoy it.  And I’m working on a photo collage, with photos I’d taken in their garden over the summer.

I never buy a gift this early.  I’ve encouraged everyone to make Amazon wishlists, which is the most brilliant Christmas buying idea ever invented.  Not that anyone has actually done it yet!

I love Amazon, truly and with all of my heart.  They always know just what I need and they always have just what I need to get for everyone else.

I used to have a little eBay addiction, but I haven’t bought anything from there in a really long time.

I have, however, purchased a few things from Etsy.  Not the crafty things but a pair of vintage hands and Angus.  They have some cool things on there and an App, so I’m much more likely to purchase.

I am still unsure if I will put up a tree or not.  I’m leaning more toward NOT.  Especially since I’m leaving 2 days after Christmas.  I’ll have one day to take the tree down and at the same time finish packing and tidying the apartment.  I don’t see it happening.  I can’t leave the tree up while I’m gone 11 days, not with the cat.  I’m still not sure what to do about the cat while I’m gone anyway.  I suppose I’ll set up 2 litter boxes and a ton of food and water.

When I was gone for 2 weeks last summer, I didn’t have a cat so it wasn’t an issue. I’ll figure it out.

The night before last I was stricken with a combination of insomnia and hyper-cat-annoyance.  So the brain is always in some weird overdrive when the insomnia collides into my psyche.  The iPhone is particularly handy when this happens, I open up the little note app and I scribble away.  From time to time, these notes make no fucking sense at all, almost like they’re made by a schizophrenic Egyptian in a bizarre new language of hieroglyphics.  The notes I made Tuesday night actually were decipherable.

One of the notes included the idea to make the photo collage for my mother – check.

Another note was for this art/painting project.  I must say right now that I am no artist.  I can take a decent photo, but as far as creating something with my own hands, I’ve never had that skill.  But this idea is more abstract, so MAYBE I can pull it off.

Wanting to create a painting can be a great idea, if you have the supplies.  Guess who didn’t?  That’s right, ME.

So after work yesterday I stopped and picked up some paints, brushes, canvas…

I got the base coat on the canvas.  Step two when I get home this evening.

Also on the table are photos and frames that I should be working on too!

Before I sign off for the day, I must mention a message I got on the dating site.

“You seem just as horny as I am.”

WHAT?!?!

I went back over my profile; there is NOTHING there that makes me look horny.

Is that a line that works? 

If you tell a girl she looks horny should her panties automatically fall off? 

Does it make her think “I AM horny, I just didn’t realize it”? (Thanks for cluing me in)

And with that, I hid my profile.  I need a hiatus from it all.

Living in a Material World, and I am a Material Girl...

Great guy, just not boyfriend material.

Yes, those words have passed over my lips on several occasions in fact.

Have I been guilty of snap judgments?  I’m sure I have.

Have I totally nailed some guys?  Oh yea…

I’m sure that guys have left a first date with me thinking “She’s not girlfriend material” as well.

Sometimes, it’s true, I’m a hot mess.

On first dates, I have, fallen UP steps, spilled salad dressing on me, spilled a drink on my date, dumped my entire purse out, gotten lost, driven the wrong way on a one-way street, I could go on and on.  So anyone that wants to go on a second date is either:

1. Very brave

2. A glutton for punishment

3. Pretty damn cool.

How do you determine if someone is “boyfriend/girlfriend material”??

I’m not really sure; I don’t have a checklist that I attempt to check off during a date.  It’s more of a feeling I think.

I am forever waiting on a “click”.  It sounds silly, I know, it sounds like I am waiting for a fantasy to realize.

Maybe I am.  It can happen, right? 

I just saw that a legitimately crazy former classmate of mine got married.  And she’s forever gushing about how awesome he and their life is.

Is it all bullshit?  It totally could be. 

Is it real?  I suppose that it could be.

Her dude was obviously “boyfriend material”.

I need to make it clear, however, that I am not on the husband hunt… uuuummmm no way Jose…

I don’t really have a specific objective, I just want some comfort…I’m tired.

But at the same time, I’m not going to settle.

I guess some of the things that would encompass “boyfriend material” qualities for me would be **this list is not all inclusive**.

1.  Cute (which for me could be many different looks, I don’t have a “type”)

2.  Geeky

3.  Smart

4.  Funny

5.  A little awkward

And then there are the obvious things:

1.  Employed

2.  Not abnormally attached to his mother

3.  Not obsessed with the past

4.  No substance abuse issues

5.  Not mean

6.  Not an over-tickler

I don’t think that any of that is unreasonable.

Where is he?

Where is my boyfriend material?!?!?!



Addendum: 

C says “I imagine boyfriend material is pliable but not easy to tear, weather proof but soft to the touch.”

Me : “And looks good on me”

C:  “Haha”

Me: “Well non-boyfriend material can look good on me,  but they’re like sequins, you can’t wear them every day.”

Shopping and Hangovers...

Monday all-fucking-ready…

I had a relatively good weekend, except for the truly brutal hangover I had yesterday.  It was, without a doubt, the WORST hangover of my entire life.

I won’t go into detail, because I like you, but I spent a significant amount of time on my bathroom floor.

Anyway…

Saturday morning I embarked on an epic shopping trip.  It was half off everything at the Goodwill, which would be hard for me to pass up.  I picked up some clothes there.  They had a really awesome duck phone there, if I still had a land line I would have totally bought that, it even quacked as a ring tone.

Then I hit Target.  Cruised the clearance racks and picked up a bottle of wine.  I love that the Targets in Ohio also sell some liquor.  The selection is slim, but would definitely do in a pinch.

My next stop was the St.Vincent DePaul, another local thrift store.  I snagged some more clothes, a couple of wine glasses and a Vera Bradley messenger bag that looks like it’s brand new!  I love a messenger bag, I can potentially carry everything I need, my Kindle, my netbook, a maraca, Sequoia Cy, a tambourine, my lunch, a book… you name it and I can carry it!  Of course it was the most I’ve paid for anything at a thrift store, $30 for a bag that retails for about $100; it was a win in my opinion.

Then I headed to Best Buy.  I had decided to get a new camera.  I want to take some photos like a big girl and wanted a new camera with some time to get used to it before I go on vacation.

I got a Nikon P510, it’s not a professional camera by any means, but it’s a fairly sophisticated amateur camera.

And yesterday I bought a Groupon for a 3 hour digital photography class, so maybe I’ll really learn how to use it!!

Taking a few classes is my goal for 2013; we will see how I do with that.  I can’t even seem to meet my writing goals.

Saturday night, I went out for drinks with C.  He had said that we’d go anyplace I wanted.  Which, of course, was the OKBB!

Before I went out, I like this photo for the book jacket of my novel, whenever I finish it.

I made a few epic mistakes Saturday night.  Well really just one EPIC mistakes, everything else was a result of that mistake. 

I didn’t eat anything before going out, mistake #1.

I started out the evening with a Jay Littman.

Following the Jay Littman, I had a Dragon’s Milk mistake #2, the epic mistake. 

The wicked Dragon's Milk... but sooooo delicious!!

MIXING.  I know better, I really do.  Drink one thing, stick with it and you’ll have a good evening.  I made a stupid rookie mistake and I paid for it… damn, did I ever pay for it.

But before it went bad, we headed out to the patio at the OKBB, where they had a fire going and a few tables set up.

I love a fire!!

I enjoyed the crowd out there.  There were some guys that were talking about their pick up lines.

One guy’s line “Hey, I’ve got a lighter!”  as he madly waves a lighter in the air.

Another, “Girl, you just give me hope.”  Which was my favorite line.

One guy was talking about a particularly bad recent break up, his ex took his cat.  Which devastated him.

One night he had over imbibed, was drunkenly sprawled on his floor and noticed scratches on his ottoman made by said cat.  As his friend watched, he crawled over to the ottoman and kissed the cat scratches.  So sad…and hilarious at the same time.

Another guy was talking about his ex after we discussed foreign bodies in the rectum.

He said that he and the ex were showering together, and she was brushing her teeth in the shower (which I didn’t know girls did, I thought that was strictly a dude activity) and after she finished, she (without warning) inserted the toothbrush into his rectum.

NOT COOL. 

That is an activity that EVERYONE should be on board with, not a surprise activity for fuck’s sake.

My first question was “What did she do with the toothbrush after that?”  another guy was like “That’s a good question”.

The guy that had been violated said that he didn’t know and that the relationship didn’t last long after that. Shocker.

But, still not as shocking as a toothbrush in the ass…

I followed the Dragon’s Milk with a glass of Woodford Reserve and another Dragon’s Milk.  Sigh, critical error.

Then a guy bought me a warm apple cider.  The night went straight to shit at that point.  I hardly remember anything.

I know this, no more cider for this girl.

I spent my Sunday in the bathroom and in bed.  I was finally able to eat at around 7p.  my chest hurts from so much gastrointestinal evacuation.

As I lie on the sofa looking at my moderately stocked bar, I thought “never again”.  I don’t mean I’ll never drink again, that’s crazy talk, but I’ll try really hard to make better decisions!

Today is super busy at the office and I don’t expect any excitement this evening… tomorrow’s post will probably suck if it even comes to fruition.

Take Me Away...

Well, last night I failed to meet the goals that I had set for myself on Monday.

I suck.

My goal was to write 500 words a day, and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I had done it, written in excess of 500 words actually.  But last night, NOTHING.

I wasn’t feeling it, honestly.  But even writing 500 words that you end up deleting is better than not writing at all… gotta train the brain.

Yea, that’s right.

I do write 500+ words a day on the blog, but I seriously need to work harder on the fiction.

The current piece I’m working on, I truly have no idea where it’s going.  Not like the novel that I have pretty much hashed out in my head.  But, I can’t go back to the novel now without thinking of B.  I don’t know if I can write it without him.  I guess I just need more time to heal. 

Who am I going to read it to?  I would read it over the phone to him as he drove; it really helped to work out the kinks.  You don’t realize how something doesn’t flow or just sounds jerky until you actually read it aloud.  As a writer himself, he gave fantastic suggestions and helped me take the story in directions that a reader could appreciate.

I have so many notes that he and I made for my dating book… I can’t look at them yet either.

I just need to remember the things he taught me. 

So, tonight, I will write!!

Well, I think I’m gonna take a little vacation after Christmas.  Going south.  For a little over a week.

I can’t wait.  I so need to get away from everything, recharge, reboot! 

Now I’m looking for flights… UG… they’re all over $100 higher than they were when I traveled in May.  I could save about $50 by flying out of Dayton.  However, I don’t think it would be worth the drive and having someone drive me all the way to Dayton.  I should just go on the Delta website, book it and be done with it.

But, I’m the girl that HATES paying full price!! I’ll shop around a little bit over the weekend.   I seriously doubt I’m gonna find a deal, especially on a non stop flight. 

I’m super psyched though!!  I’ll need to dig out some summer clothes, glad no one ever took the totes of summer clothes to the basement!  I guess I can quit complaining about that now!

A little sun, NO FROST, no gloves… I’m so excited!!!!!!!

Come on December 27!!!!!

Let's Be Honest... THIS SUCKS

I have been in the online dating world for about 3 years now, on and off.

I know, it’s shameful.  But, it is what it is.

What I’ve noticed, recently especially, is that the same faces are appearing in my “Matches”.  Not just a couple, but MANY, if not the majority.  The same faces for the last THREE years.

What I also realize is that my face is continually coming up in their matches as well… awesome.

But when I think that I must look like a loser, I have to think “I’m not the only one”.

So, either I’m not the only loser, we all are…

OR

This dating thing just doesn’t work.

That statement isn’t accurate either.  It’s not that “dating” as a general rule doesn’t work.  I mean, the vast majority of people date before they commit, unless you’re securing your wife off the interwebs and there is an exchange of money or your parents have arranged an exchange of fine goats for your hand in marriage.

Since I haven’t figured out how to become a mail order bride, it should be deduced that INTERNET dating doesn’t work, at least from my perspective.

I’ve thought that it hasn’t worked for me because I’m some sort of unlovable weirdo.  But as I keep seeing so many familiar faces, I am convinced I’m not the only unlovable weirdo. 

OR

We are just not good at matching ourselves up.

But I did eHarmony.  Letting “science” match me up with someone who would see how awesome I am.  IT DID NOT WORK.

I repeat, IT DID NOT WORK.

Have me and every other familiar face on the dating site, become so jaded that we don’t take a chance with people that don’t 100% fill our checklist?

Are our expectations so high that no one could meet them?

Are we so damaged that we can’t even commit?

Have we been so burnt that subconsciously we’ve decided to be alone, while consciously still putting ourselves out there? But only half-heartedly.

Are we so fucked up that no one will truly want us?

If I knew what the answer was I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I’d be running a successful match making business.  Charging a nominal fee to match people with someone they’d actually be happy with.

Hell, I’d be willing to dish out a little cash to end this whole dating nightmare.  I’d venture to guess that I wouldn’t be the only one.

I think that part of the problem is that we are not being honest.

I don’t mean that we are being dishonest with potential paramours.  I mean dishonest with ourselves.  About what our needs truly are. It’s not an intentional dishonesty, we don’t even really know.

There are things that I know I cannot live with; they are the big glaring things like:  alcoholism, lying, cheating, and just being an all around asshole. 

But other things I don’t know until I am confronted with them.

I will give some examples, don’t judge me.  I am just being honest with myself and YOU.

*The motor mouth.  Someone who talks incessantly just isn’t going to work for me.  Silence can be a beautiful thing.  And when two people are comfortable with some silence between them, well that’s a fantastic sign in my opinion.

*The Houdini.  The guy who chats you up for days… then *poof* he’s gone.  Without even a goodbye.  Then appears back on the radar. 

*The Sexy Talker.  This guy immediately starts out telling you that you’re “hot”, your photos give him “wood”, and he keeps thinking naughty thoughts about you.  All this before you’ve met.

Don’t get me wrong, sexy talk between people that are involved is fun, but as initial conversation, it frightens me.

*The Life Story Teller.  I don’t want to know everything about your ex (or every ex you’ve ever had) before we’ve had our third date. When you reveal too much information too early, it screams that you haven’t moved on.

A little information is fine; we all have baggage, but some things you should check along with your coat.

I know I sound petty.  But come on, everyone had little things that get under their skin.  Let’s just be open and admit them.

I know what could be helpful to us that have been “out there” for a while, would be the “exit interview”.  As long as everyone was honest and constructive, not mean and vengeful.  When a relationship ends, let’s do each other a favor and have one final discussion.

Here are the things that I really liked about you…

Here are the things you should improve on…

Here are the things you really suck at…

Ok, maybe “suck” wouldn’t be a good term to use, but you know what I mean.

While I understand that some people would never be able to conduct the interview in person, a simple questionnaire would suffice.

Let’s just be honest with ourselves and each other.  It would really simplify things.

I once had a guy tell me “you are everything that I avoid in a woman”.  Part of me really wanted to know what that meant exactly, but the ruling part of my head told me to leave it lay.  I did.  I, obviously, still think about it though.

Of course, a poorly written profile can make us appear to be something that we’re not.  Profiles that are rife with misspellings and grammatical errors turn me off.  A misspelling now and then is acceptable, poor spelling really isn’t indicative of a low IQ. However, when writing a profile on a dating site, if you’re serious about meeting someone, you should be putting your best foot forward.  It’s really no different than a resume.  Do you really think you’re gonna snag that job when your resume demonstrates that you don’t even know how to utilize spell-check?  Negative Ghost Rider.

I’ve tried to be honest in my profile, which is probably why it’s so wordy.  And for fuck’s sake, I hope I don’t have any misspellings or grammatical errors!!!

I’m so over this dating thing, I can’t even tell you… and my Dad doesn’t have a fine herd of goats.  He does have a nice dog, but I’m pretty sure he won’t part with him.

I guess I’m still stuck searching on my own.  I’ve had friends say “when you quit looking, that’s when you’ll find some”.

I don’t know what that even means.  A great guy will fall from the heavens right into my lap??? Uuummmm, yea, right.

I don’t think that either “searching” or not will increase my odds… it is what it is.

Oh My God (dammit)

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

HOLD THE PRESSES!!

OMG girl is seeing someone.

All I can think is, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

It’s not that I wish she wasn’t see anyone, I don’t usually wish BAD things on people.  But DAMMIT, I want a turn!

I don’t say OH MY GOD all the time, although I’ll concede that I may say FUCK a little too much, but only when it’s appropriate.

I’m not hideous all the time (I am today).

I’m fairly intelligent.

I’m a fantastic kisser.

I’ve been told I’m funny and fun to be around.

Sometimes I look like a “cute cartoon character” (that was sarcastic).

I like to think that I’m lovable.  I suppose I’m disillusioned.

FUCK.

I'm Good... No, REALLY, I'm GOOD

I’m back!!

Did you miss me?

I was so beshittified yesterday.  This stupid fever thing just will not release me from its sweaty grip!

But, I am feverless today, and back at it!  I am hoping that maybe my immune system has rebooted.  I so wish I had Ctrl-Alt-Delete keys…Sigh.

You may skip this paragraph if you don’t want to hear/read any whining…

I am so fucking tired of being sick!!!  And I’m especially tired of being sick and ALONE.  I really think that being lonely is hindering my recovery.  I need a neck nuzzle and some sugar!!!

Ok, the whining is done for the moment…

I wore lipstick this morning in an attempt not to look so hideous, because, trust me, I am hideous.  Everyone commented on how “cute” I looked when I walked in the office this morning.

Bizarre. 

MUST. BUY. MORE. LIPSTICK.

That has to be it; I frightened myself when I looked in the mirror this morning.

Today, I feel like talking a little music.

Kid Rock just released his new album.  Now, I love me some Kid Rock, old school Kid Rock and a lot (not all) of his new stuff.  But this album… well, it’s a turd.  I hate to say it, I really do, but it’s not good.

The first release “Let’s Ride” has been playing on the radio for several weeks; it’s the best song on the album, which explains it being the first release.  But the chorus is rough, no flow… it starts out with some promise, but once the chorus starts, I just want to change the station.  Sadly, in Cincinnati, there really aren’t any stations to change to.

But, I digress.

The rest of the songs, I could barely listen to in their entirety.

I’d save my $$ and not download “Rebel Soul”.

But I did discover a new band out of LA, Vintage Trouble (http://www.vintagetrouble.com/)  and WOW!  I’m in love with these boys!  Great bluesy vibe.  And they’re adorable, which is a bonus!

The lead has a voice that reminds me of Andy Brewer from Taddy Porter (http://www.taddyporter.com/) and I LOVE Taddy Porter, I try to catch them every time they’re in town.

I’ve downloaded Vintage Trouble’s album, “The Bomb Shelter Sessions” and I’m really enjoying it, ALL OF IT, which is unusual.  There aren’t many albums that I’ve loved the whole thing, except for the White Stripes, of course, and “Back in Black”, “Rock N Roll Jesus” and there are others I can’t think of this early.

So, if you dig some blues, check these boys out.

And while you’re at it, check out Tyler Bryant (http://tylerbryantmusic.com/) I’m lovin’ this kid too… he was actually in town a while back, but I didn’t know until that day and didn’t go, hopefully I’ll be able to catch him the next time he’s in town!

On December 8, I FINALLY get to see Seven Mary Three!!  I had tickets to see them in May, and then booked my vacation for the same time, because I thought the tickets were for June.  I know, I’m a tard, but I had an awesome vacation.  I sold the tickets to JS, who ended up being out of town for work and didn’t get to go either.  It just wasn’t meant to be.

So the moment I discovered they were coming back, I bought two tickets!  Now, again, as usual, I have no date for the show.  I suppose I need to work on that in the upcoming week.  Ug.

One of my all time FAV songs!

I have a question for the entire male population out there…

WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE SUBMISSIVE MEN OUT THERE??

I get A LOT of messages from these guys offering to do “anything I want”.  I am not a dominant type of girl AT ALL.  And, I promise you, there are no photos on my profile of me in leather with a whip, offering up a ball gag to whoever wants to be a good boy. 

I want a MAN THAT IS A MAN, that acts like a MAN.  I prefer manly, dominant men.  But, hey, that’s just me… I’m sure there are girls out there that are more than happy to tie a dude up and offer a little torture for shits and giggles. 

But, that girl is not me fellas, sorry.

And while I’m bitching… what’s up with the MARRIED GUYS? 

Am I going to have to add a disclaimer to my profile “NOT INTERESTED IN MARRIED GUYS”??

They’re all looking for a little fun “on the down low”.  Occasionally, they are in “OPEN” relationships, which I am very suspicious of.

When I decline their very generous offers, I get “well, don’t you want to have a little fun until you find a man”??

Uuuuummmm, no thanks dude, I’m good.