Did You Miss Me?

I haven’t been here in a while… I haven’t really felt inspired to bore anyone with the details of my life.  The details haven’t been worthy of writing about anyway.

I survived Christmas.  I guess that’s a victory.  I can’t say that I wanted to, survive that is.  I’ve made a few promises to friends that if I ever feel suicidal I’ll talk to them.

Was I sincere when I made the promise? No.

I just wanted to make them feel better and promising was the easy way to move on.

That being said, I’m kinda big on promises.  I try my damnedest not to break them.

Lying in my bed on Christmas Eve, I flirted with my contingency plan, but thoughts of the promises kept surfacing, making their way up through the ocean of vodka I was trying to drown my feelings in.

First of all, would I call any of my friends on Christmas Eve (when they are happily celebrating with their friends and family) and tell them that I’m feeling suicidal?

Uuuuummmm fuck no.  I’m not a complete fuckweasel.

And offing yourself at Christmas is just too pathetic and cliché. 

So I just got drunk.  I know, my coping powers are pretty goddamn amazing.

I also got a tattoo and my hair isn’t red anymore… my mental condition can be measured by my tattoos and hair color changes… like some weird dysfunctional barometer.  It’s ok though, I love the new tattoo and the hair doesn’t look awful.

I, honestly, think that I can thank (or blame) the camera for helping me survive 2013.

Last week someone asked why I choose the subjects that I do for my photography (abandonments, specifically)… I can relate to them… they’re rejected, unloved, forgotten, ignored, not as pretty as they used to be, no longer useful, haunted… just like me.  Maybe, together, the camera and I can save a little bit of these places, for posterity… and maybe, save me in the process??

I was asked “Why did you change your hair?”  My answer “I wanted to be someone different, maybe, eventually I’ll be someone that I like.”

It just occurred to me, that this time last year, I was in Georgia… seems like a lifetime ago…

And New Year’s Eve… fuck… I find it hard to get excited about a new year… I really wish that I could though.  It’s not like a have a dance card full of party invitations anyway… maybe I’ve been spending too much time in my hermit hole.

People say “You’ve got so many things to be happy about” and they’ll go so far as to enumerate them.  Perhaps in an attempt to guilt me out of depression… I mean, that’s a proven effective method, right?  But, I’m almost glad that people don’t understand… it means they haven’t lived it.

Feelings Can Bite Me

I'm missing the days that I did who and what I wanted... Not getting attached, having fun, not having regrets and just living.

Now... I put my heart back out on my sleeve and it got poked.  Not poked in a good way. 

Since my heart has been out wandering around, it's grown... Maybe to a normal size heart. And now... It won't fit back in it's box.

That's fucking awesome.

It's just going to be out there on the loose getting poked, prodded, kicked, stepped on and gum stuck to its little heart shoes. 

I have a good heart, I know that, that's why I've guarded it so closely... I suppose it's the rest of me that's not worthy. 

How does one get their brain and their heart on the same plane? 

Dead Inside

Well I've discovered that I am, in fact, dead inside, emotionally.

This was the icing on the cake, after turning down a self professed "hot" attorney....

Things Are Getting Better

The fog is finally beginning to lift.

I’ve had a few friends talk to me; help me not internalize this situation quite so much.

I just don’t understand why I want someone that doesn’t want me? That’s just crazy, I cause myself more pain than is necessary… I feel like a masochist sometimes.

But in my last communication with him, he said something that really hurt me… maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought, he obviously didn’t care about me.  Maybe I was just trying to make the relationship in to what I wanted it to be, but something that it could never be.

I do KNOW this; he liked it when he was with me. 

Did that scare him? 

Was I fun but just not loveable?  

Perhaps I will never know and I just have to accept that.

I was as good as I knew how to be, I did nothing to hurt him, just like I promised that I wouldn’t, and he was the one who hurt me… if that wasn’t good enough, there’s not much I can do about it. 

I was me, and I’m not for everyone.

Does it still sting?? Fuck yes it does.

Do I still feel shitty about myself?? Fuck yes I do.

Do I wonder if I’ll ever be good enough? Every moment of every day.

But a friend said this to me “You are sexy, it is your superpower, use it for good.”

I can’t say that I concur, but it felt good to hear it, from someone that didn’t have to say anything.

I’ve been asked out a few times, I haven’t accepted yet… but I am taking a road trip to Jersey with a friend next week… kind of an up and back thing, but it will be good just to get away… and I love a road trip J.

Half a smile is better than none, right???

Welcoming the Darkness

Feeling rejected, sad, lonely, unworthy, unloveable, undesirable, ugly, stupid... 

You see something you don't want to see and you can't un-see it. 

Letting the darkness swallow me back up... Not even going to fight it. 

Pity Photography

Here is what I do when I'm alone and feeling sorry for myself...  well one of the things that I do, the least destructive thing...

http://reflectionsuponmyreality2.wordpress.com/

Conversation at work with work friend:

Me: "Did you have fun on your day off?"

Friend: "You mean at my grandma's funeral?"

Yep, I'm that girl.

Wandering Through the Black Fog

I participated in a wedding Friday evening… the only people present were; the couple, my friend Boom who was the minister and myself.  According to the couple, NO ONE knew they were getting married.  Interesting.  I wondered whose parents were not okay with it.

And, they totally poo-pooed getting wedding presents.  The ONLY reason I’d marry again would be for wedding presents… I REALLY need some new towels.

I acted as both the photographer and the witness at the wedding, and the minister-in-training.

After the wedding, I went home, went to bed and stayed there for >36hrs.

I told everyone that it was my allergies… but it wasn’t.

Sometimes the black fog swallows me whole, dragging me into a pit so deep that I wonder if this will be the time that I’m not able to pull myself out.

 

That sounds really dramatic, doesn’t it?  But I can really think of no other words to describe it… and I own a super thesaurus.

I pulled my ass out of bed on Sunday morning because we were going zip lining for my Dad’s birthday and I had to make the long trek back home.  I took the camera and made a few stops on the way, which did make me feel a little better.  Here’s an example of what I captured (http://reflectionsuponmyreality2.wordpress.com/2013/09/23/the-porny-house/).

I did have a friend, a reader of this blog, tell me that I’m too hard on myself “you have so much to offer – guy needs his head examined.”

I want to believe that sooooooo badly, that it’s not me, that I’m wanted, desirable, needed.  Yet, the loneliness overshadows the possibility of those beliefs.  I am the common denominator here… only me.

I know, I hear the tiny violins playing too…

She Doth Fuck it Up

I think, that when I focus on trying really hard to do things right, I end up fucking it up.

This is apparently what I’ve done.

I’m sad about it, my heart hurts…

My adorable introvert is done with me. 

What it interesting about that, is that I didn’t do anything wrong.  I tried really hard to give him the space that he needed, but I also feel like I let him know that I really care about him, I disabled my dating profiles, I turned down invitations to go out, I told everyone that I was “seeing someone”, I didn’t run when the scheduling thing with us was hard (and if you know me, it is my nature to run when a relationship hits a speed bump, but I didn’t)…

Yet… I haven’t heard a word for 4 days.

I tried to explain what he misunderstood… maybe I over-explained it “she doth protest too much”.  He’s a wicked smart guy, I thought he’d realize that it wasn’t what he thought… I guess I’m wrong, again.

Maybe dating just isn’t for me… I need a long break from it all I guess…

Introverted Extroversion...

I’ve taken multiple personality tests over the last few years, in an attempt to understand myself and possibly what I need.

I’ve gotten a variety of results that basically say that I’m different variations of an extrovert (and obviously a little schizo).

According to Myers-Briggs, I’m an ENFP, which I’ve previously mentioned, which basically says that I’m an extrovert that relies mostly on intuition, feelings and perception.

 

I think that’s, mostly, an accurate assessment.  However, I don’t think that I’m always an extrovert.

Maybe it’s because I’m an only child and I learned to live with my own company, enjoy solitude, entertain myself, etc…

 

Sometimes I like being out with a crowd, I have a pretty large circle of friends and acquaintances, however, I am not a go-out-every-night kind of girl.  But, when I’m out, I’m OUT and I have a good time.

 

Sometimes I enjoy the peacefulness of being alone, it can be recharging.  This weekend, other than a wedding I attended, I barely spoke to another soul, aside from the cats (please don’t draw any conclusions from that).

 

Okay, now to what I wanted to discuss…

 

I am dating an introvert.  And I like dating him.  Sometimes I feel a little frustrated at the limited time that we have to spend together, because we work opposite shifts and probably because my limited extrovertedness is probably exhausting to him.

 

I am learning to slow my roll.  It isn’t easy for me.  I like to show people that I care about them; I like to make things better when I can… and this isn’t what he needs. 

 

When he was sick, it was my immediate instinct to make soup and take him things to make him feel better.  This was not what he wanted; this wasn’t how he deals with being ill… he prefers to do it alone.

 

For a little bit it stung… I was being pushed away, I wasn’t wanted… which can, in my mind, translate to “you’re not good enough”.  Which I realize is MY issue, not his and I can’t project it on him.  I may have had a moment of passive aggression, which I quickly recognized (he did too).

 

So… I’ve read several articles on “dating an introvert” and they make a lot of sense.  Basically, it’s just recognizing his needs, which are different from mine.  So we both will need to be patient with other.

 

I think he could be worth the patience… I mean I haven’t run yet… which is completely out of character for me.

No Fucking Idea...

This morning, as I was slaving away at the office, I noticed something.
I had only taken the nail polish off of the nails of my right hand... my left hand was still painted.

The first question I was asked upon this discovery was "Were you drinking?"

I actually had to think about it.

I had a few Doozers (thanks BT) Sunday night, but I think the nail polish removing occurred on Saturday, so NO I wasn't drinking.  I apparently just have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

A Doozer is blackberry schnapps, sprite and a splash of cherry liqueur.  They're pretty tasty if I do say so myself.

Some Days Suck...

Having a chronic illness sucks, in sooooo many ways.

 

First, which I don’t even have to mention, is the fact that you have a chronic illness… it’s totally unfair and sucks royally (not in a good way).

 

Second, doctor visits.  My doctor visit frequency has decreased since my diagnosis and since I refuse to go unless I’m afraid that I could possibly be dying a painful death.  If I thought I was dying lost in some beautiful reverie, it is unlikely that I’d pursue any medical care.

 

Third, medication.  I take what seems, to me, a lot of medication.  A chemo medication, steroids, anti-inflammatories, anti-chemo side effect medication, stomach medication, vitamins, and some holistic stuff.  It’s a pain to take all of this to stave off effects of my particular disorder because some of it has to be timed and you have to plan if you’re going places, it’s also expensive.  Money I’d much rather spend at the thrift store or on booze…

 

Fourth, “you don’t look sick”.  I don’t want people to think of me as “sick” really, but I also want people to understand that if I have to bow out of something, it’s not because I’m lazy.

 

Fifth, I’m fucking tired.  Not ALL of the time.  I try so hard to be the same girl that I was before I got sick.  But who am I kidding? I am so much less active now.  I still push myself to do the things that I like to do.  I get out with the camera as often as I can and I would love to do more urbex (even though after I did my last solo urbex adventure I was sick with a fever for 2 days).

Today, I feel like I’ve been exsaunguinated.

And if I over-do-it I’ll get sick with some crappy virus or something that I can’t even quantify.

 

Sixth, pain.  I’m tired of the random pain.  While it’s not debilitating, it’s exhausting.  I’ve been dealing with a slipped-rib fuckweasel malady for about a week… I’m so over it.

 

Today, I’d just really like for someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me that everything will be okay…

Hark the Herald... whatever...

Harkening back on last week...

It's surprising to me how the words "I want to see you again before Saturday" made me smile.

Sometimes I wonder...

About myself.

I blew off happy hour with KR tonight, partially because I am still fighting some rather unpleasant allergies and partially because I want to go home and drink wine... alone.

I love KR dearly and this has nothing to do with her, it is strictly me.

While drinking alone may not be healthy in everyone's eyes, sometimes it is what I need to do to right myself.  It usually works like control-alt-delete...

We shall see...

My Happy Birthday!!!

Well I have to report that I had another fantastic birthday week... 
The week culminated in a small gathering Saturday night on Mainstrasse.  The weather was perfect for sitting outside and imbibing... and of course people watching... and laughing, there was lots of laughing!
I have to admit to one fairly critical mistake that I made Saturday night... I didn't stick to just one alcohol.
When will I learn??  Once I start drinking, EVERYTHING sounds like a great idea.
We started the evening with a little absinthe... which totally had me buzzing before it even hit my stomach.
Then there was bourbon and coke at the bar, some Horny Goat, then some Pink Ladies... the Pink Ladies did it... pushed me totally over the edge...
Even with the brutal hangover that I had Sunday, my birthday was AWESOME!
I really liked having BT out with me (flutters eyelashes).

 

Anyway... for your viewing (dis)pleasure... teenage TrippyBeth.... It's hard to tell, but that is an elephant on my velour sweater... UG

 

Touch Me NOT

I have to take this opportunity to tell you all what a fantastic birthday week I’m having!!

Saturday and Monday were dinners with my family, and then Tuesday BT took me out to dinner.  J

Yes, I’m totally dorking out… but it feels good and I don’t apologize!

Tonight my girls and I are going out for sushi and sake! YAY!  I have the best girlfriends in the entire world… I’m sorry for you if you are not in our circle of trust, but I’m sure your friends are just fine.

Tomorrow night, I am laying low, in anticipation for Birthday Shenanigans on Saturday night!

Yes, I LOVE birthdays!! That being said, I’ve had some really shitty ones in the past.  I’ve had really shitty holidays of every kind, honestly.

In the past 4 years, I’ve had some lonely holidays, some drunken holidays and some nice ones… I may not like Christmas, still, but it doesn’t inspire the feelings of dread that it used to.

Saturday night will be a blending of my worlds… BT will be meeting some family and some of my friends.  They are all awesome, and he is awesome, so it should be just fine… I’m, surprisingly, not nervous about it.  I hope he isn’t.

 

Tuesday night, after our delicious dinner at Don Pablo’s, we stopped by the Village Pub for a couple of beers.  We chose the Horny Goat brews, which were quite tasty!

 

There was a guy sitting one barstool away from me, who I hadn’t noticed, until he felt the impulse to touch my arm whilst commenting about my dragonfly tattoo.  Then, he proceeded to lift the back of his own shirt to show me his tattoo on his shoulder and give me a brief lesson in his family history.

 

I’ve lamented here before, the fact that people think that it’s perfectly acceptable to touch me.  Most of those complaints were about people that I actually KNOW touching me.  I have a big problem with that, but being touched by a stranger does not play into my wheelhouse, AT ALL!

I mean what the fuck? 

Having a visible tattoo is not an invitation to fondle me.  I continue to be stunned by the people who think that it is acceptable.  Were they raised by wolves? 

Anyway, BT said “I think he likes some Trippybeth.”

I’m not sure that was the case at all… I just think the guy had a few drinks and, perhaps, left his manners in the potty.  So, I blew it off… I had much better things to focus on…

The Keys To My Success

Yesterday, at work, I ask “Has anyone read anything good lately? I need a new book.”

The first response I get is “When do I ever have time to read?”  Shouted over the cubes by OMG girl.

Really?

This was not the question that I was asking.  I simply wanted a suggestion for a good book.

Why do some people take any opportunity to regale us with the misery that is their lives?

Am I annoyed because I simply do not give a fuck?

 

That’s not entirely true.  I do not take pleasure in seeing people in misery.  Well, there are a few people that I would like to see with burning assholes for the rest of eternity, but for the most part I’m pretty peace-loving.

 

I actually try to down play any misery that I might be suffering from to the general public.  I’m beginning to believe that I am the minority here.  From work to Facebook, everywhere I look or listen, someone is COMPLAINING and usually quite loudly.

Now, if you’ve read here for any length of time, I’m sure that you’re thinking “TrippyBeth complains a lot herself.”  And you wouldn’t be wrong.

However, I’m really trying to change my life.  Negativity breeds more negativity, it’s a vicious circle that I’m trying to stop. 

I want to be happy.  So I ‘m thinking happy thoughts, being grateful, visualizing the things that I want and I’m open to receiving them.

This was a little difficult yesterday after locking myself out of my apartment.  But, I had a cell phone to call for help, I had a friend to come pick me up, I had another friend take me home and lots of good-natured teasing… it most definitely could have been worse!  And it was something to laugh about all day.

Who doesn’t need more laughs?

I was able to get back in my apartment last night and in three hours the weekend begins… what’s not to like about that?

A Thistle by Another Name... Is Just as Prickly

Well... My friends, my mood has improved.

My friend B and I discussed things and have decided to continue with our friendship. 

I am pleased with myself that I didn't run for the hills, like I'd normally do. 

Maybe Trippybeth is growing up.

(But, hey, who really wants that?)

B and I had the most fantastic day on Friday. Honestly, it was one of the best days in my recent memories. I feel lucky.

You can follow our shenanigans on my photo blog.

Saturday I finally got my thistle tattoo!!! 

My friend KR rode to Dayton with me and witnessed her first tattoo!! 

Kevin, as always did a fantastic job for me and I'm very pleased! 

The half sleeve is coming along nicely. 

The stencil.

Kevin working hard...

The finished product!!

The after-ink sangria ;-)

Please Pass the Bourbon

Sigh…

At my last posting I confessed to being smitten.  According to Webster’s, one of the definitions of smitten is “To be struck with a firm blow”.

I couldn’t have been more accurate with using a term than I was with using smitten.

Today, I was struck with a firm blow, unexpectedly, squarely in the gut.

I was dismissed.

I can’t really say “dumped” since there was no relationship declaration.  But I feel DUMPED.

Crying at work is sooooooo not cool. 

I won’t detail his reasons here, out of respect for him, his reasons are his own and from what he said it wasn’t about me (unless that was just to spare my feelings).  I actually understand the reasons that he gave me; it’s someplace that I’ve been before.

Maybe my stupid enthusiasm had something to do with it… in fact, I’m sure that it did.  I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes, and when I think something or have an idea, I have to share it, that’s just how I roll…  maybe I need to change some more things about me???

Do I think that he’s being rash? Do I think that he’s fucking up?

HELL YES I DO.

But, it’s not my decision… I can only live with it.

I guess I’m upset that I let myself feel a connection with someone and have some hope that it could possibly turn into something.  That’s not my usual MO.  But, I did feel a connection with him; I saw something very special in him that I haven’t seen in many before.

I’m not mad, but my feelings are hurt, I have that pain that a person gets deep inside their chest, maybe that’s where my soul is??

Now what do I do this weekend?  I took a vacation day on Friday because we were gonna take a day trip. I was so looking forward to it.

I guess I could go alone, but that doesn’t sound like too much fun to me…

I think I’ll just get drunk.

Accenting the Obvious

Accents…

Admit it, you either like them or you hate them.

Most people begin to immediately make assumptions about a person as soon as they hear a voice that doesn’t sound like their own.

Whether the assumptions carry any weight or not, that’s just how our minds seem to work.

You know that when you hear a southern, a New York, a Boston, a British, an Indian accent you already think that you know something about the person.  A little slow perhaps? Snooty? Sophisticated?

I’ll admit I’ve been a little swayed by a lovely accent before; I’ve dated Irish, British and Italian men.  But underneath the soliloquy, they’re just dudes.  We all know that there are assholes in every nationality.

These makes me think of a guy I once met on a dating site.  We started out texting, which is how I prefer things to go, then, late one night, he called me.

“Wow, you have an accent!”  Was his initial comment.

“Yea, I know, I’m not a Cincinnati native.”  I reply, thinking it will be the end of the discussion about my accent.  Which, by the way, isn’t a bad accent at all.  And the longer I live here, the slighter it becomes.

But… it went on and on…

“From looking at you, I’d never guess you had a country accent!”

Sheesh…

I may not look like a country girl, but, underneath all this ink… I am one.

I’ve always thought that I sounded like a hick and even as my accent becomes slighter, there are words that I know I’ll never be able to say “right”.  But that’s ok, that’s part of my charm.

Anyway, he kept going on and on about my accent, even trying to mimic it (or mock, I’m not sure).  I began to feel a little offended.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a chip on my shoulder, and I can accept some good natured teasing, but for fuck’s sake, he wouldn’t let it go.

I was sooooooo relieved when he got another call that he had to take.

Now, he could have been a perfectly nice guy who was a little nervous, not a good conversationalist or just a total dunce, I don’t know.

I have to put him in the same category as the guy who said I looked like a really cute cartoon character. 

Oh yea, before I forget to mention it, TrippyBeth is smitten.

I know, look out and batten down the hatches!!

I don’t know if it will go anywhere, not sure if he’s smitten or not, all I know, right now, is that I like spending time with him…

Oh, don't forget to check out my photo blog if you get the chance!!

http://reflectionsuponmyreality2.wordpress.com/

Bourbon and Porn

I can’t believe that it’s been over a month since I’ve posted here!

I had 2 people tell me over the weekend that they’ve missed me… it’s good to be missed.

Nothing too exciting has been going on… maybe one thing, which I’m keeping to myself for the time being.

I, of course, still get interesting messages on the dating site.  The most interesting, recent one said this:

“I really like your profile, and by the way, I make amateur porn.”

Folks, we have a winner!!!

Before I hit delete, you know me, I had to reply.  All that I said was this:

“So is everyone that owns an iPhone.”

Just ask Siri, she will tell you that good amateur porn is all about angles…

Recently I’ve been obsessed, only, with photography which you can see here.

And getting out and having a little bourbon now and then… G and I hit a “bourbon class” last weekend, which is basically a tasting, and you get to try things that you ordinarily, probably would never try.  What I did discover is that I am no fan of corn whiskey! It doesn’t compare to the nectar of the gods that is good bourbon!  Hopefully I can check out a beer tasting and more “bourbon classes” soon…

 

Maybe, my life will take and exciting turn and I will be back to tell my tales soon!!!

Impromptu Hideousness

How does someone who doesn’t have to be at work until 9, wind up being late for work?

Sigh…

First, said person has to go out the night before for a couple of impromptu beers.

Then, the same person, arrives home, not too late, but cannot sleep.

This person also fails to plug in their phone, which they use for their alarm.

Person jerks awake, checks phone, DEAD, turns on tv… it’s 902a!!!

Already 2 minutes late for work and not even out of bed yet!

Sigh…

Arrived at 934a, even stopped and picked up breakfast, I will not comment on my hideousness…  you can judge for yourself!

Hideous me!

Last night I ventured down to Mainstrasse for a couple of beers at The Village Pub.

First of all, I have to say their beer selection is BANGIN.  If you wanna try it, chances are that they’ve got it.

I enjoyed 2 beers, a Dragon’s Milk, which I’ve had before and LOVE and a Founder’s Breakfast Stout, which was totally yummy…

Tonight, I’m heading to the Southgate House Revival to see The Tillers with my favorite Cuz and his awesome GF… then tomorrow morning to OTR to eat breakfast and break out the camera!

Check out my photo blog Reflections Upon My Reality!

The rest of my weekend is unplanned… sleep and washing my underpants has to fall somewhere in the span of those 48 hours…

Have a great weekend, my friends!!!

Giving the Universe Vertigo

Ok, I’m in a little better humor today, I think the bottle of wine last night was just what the doctor ordered.

I’m an ok kinda girl, maybe slightly odd, a little interesting, no doubt I can be fun, I can cook, give a fantastic back rub, am self supporting,  I’m an awesome friend,  I’m fairly intelligent… what other qualities do I need to work on???

I am sincerely turning it all over to the universe.  I’m going to try to keep putting out the good… and maybe it will come back to me.

So I get these messages on the dating site from “Marriedbutneedssomeone”.

The first message I don’t even reply to.  I mean, seriously, come on dude.

But he is persistent.

I finally write back:

“I have absolutely no interest in being The Other Woman.”

He promptly replies:

“I am looking for the long-term woman, forever.  Wife is the other woman.”

This guy obviously lives in the same alternate universe that my ex resides in.

He kept directing me to a movie “Same Time Next Year” saying that’s what he’s looking for.

Should I direct him to watch “Vertigo”?  That’s what I want…

Anyway… I didn’t continue the conversation.

I’m lonely, yes.

I want someone, yes.

But, no matter what kind of spin he wants to put on it, I’m still not going to be “The Other Woman”.

So I must endeavor on…

This weekend’s plans are still in the early stages of development.

I know that I am going to catch a show with my fav cuz and his awesome girlfriend Friday night, maybe get out and take some photos with Crawdad on Sunday… the weather is supposed to be warm; hopefully I’ll get out Saturday too.

I really must do laundry some time… or I’ll have to buy some new underpants.

Down in the Snow

Well, I came to a realization this morning as I drove to the office.

I’m never going to meet anyone.

It’s been 3.5 years on the dating merry-go-round and I’m still alone.  Even statistically it becomes less likely, the older I get, the longer I’m single…

I feel really down today… maybe it’s the snow…

I dunno.

Pondering the Prospective...

Hello friends!

Maintaining two blogs is a little more time consuming than I expected.  Well, now that I am healthier and actually able to do something other than lie around on my dead ass.

I will have, hopefully, two photo jaunts this weekend… it is sometimes inconvenient to be obsessive… but hopefully, this is a good obsession that will pay off, at least with some self-satisfaction.

So dinner tonight, photos with JG tomorrow, hopefully, dinner tomorrow night and photos with CC on Sunday!  I hope to get to a couple of cemeteries that I haven’t been to this weekend, and CC is supposed to map out a plan for Sunday.

I’m ridiculously psyched.

The photo blog is here.

I haven’t had a lot of action on the dating site this week, but I haven’t been on there roaming around.  If you don’t log on you get pushed to the back of the bus… less attention.  And I’m totally ok with that.  Sometimes it just gets old.

I did get this sexy little message this week…

He did follow up by saying that he was just kidding.  I guess he could have been, and if he was, come on… that’s your best opening line?  I’d rather get one of the “HI” messages.

I think I’m just jaded to it all.  Vulgar, suggestive emails, random photos of dude’s junk… none of that even fazes me anymore.

I almost long for the days of my innocence… three and a half years ago.  But, then what would I write about???

I suppose that when/if I ever meet THE ONE, I’ll abandon this blog and go strictly with the photo blog.  Especially since I’m having trouble managing 2 obsessions now, throw a man into the mix and I’ll be totally fucked.

Pondering...

Shit Magnet

Can you believe that I really don’t have much of anything interesting to chat about?

I’m pretty busy this week, now that I’m finally feeling better.  But nothing that I want to blog about just yet… we will see how things shake out I suppose.

I did have a few interesting emails on POF late Sunday night.

All the messages came in after I’d gone to sleep, but apparently, it appeared as though I was “online”.  So this dude kept sending messages, I guess he thought that I was ignoring him.

In one message he said “I love you, Kimberly”.

What the fuck?

So the next day I replied with “I think that you must have me confused with someone else.”

To which he replied “Kimberly is my ex, I was just trying to get your attention.”

Let me get this straight, this guy thinks that a good way to get a girl’s attention is by addressing her by his ex’s name?

Jeebus, it’s no wonder he’s still single.

I told him that it was just “bizarre”.

He apologized, said it was a mistake and he wouldn’t do it again, then said if I didn’t want to talk to him that he’d just move on.

I suggested that he move on, and not try the “Kimberly” thing with any other girl, because it will NEVER work.

Again, I wonder am I just a magnet for this crazy bullshit? 

One more thing….

Remember the dramatic emails I got from the exes fiancé a few weeks ago? 

Today, the ex, M, texts me and says “Now that everything has calmed down, T wants to know if you’re interested in make-up and skin care, and if she could add you to her Mary Kay mailing list.”

Fucking seriously?

I text back “Ummmm I kinda thought she hated me.”

Then he tells me that she never had a problem with me.

I just replied “M, she did have a problem with me.  She wrote an unkind, unprovoked email.  Now, that’s her thing.  But I don’t want drama and I don’t like it laid at my doorstep.  I love you as one of my dearest friends and I want you to be happy and I want the kids to be happy.  But it’s a little hard for me to act like it didn’t happen, especially when I didn’t deserve it.  And I’m allergic to Mary Kay make up anyway.”

Then he replied about T being harassed and his sister-in-law.

I told him that I was done talking about it.

Again, what is wrong with people? Why create drama and bullshit where there is none?  My life is too busy for that…

It Was a Good Weekend...

Bonjour!!

I hope that this Monday finds everyone well.  I am better, or getting better anyway! YAY! FINALLY!

I had a decent weekend.

Friday night, my neighbor AH and I headed down to the 50/50 art show at the Covington Artist’s Enterprise Center.

It was a really cool show, but I didn’t see anything that I needed to take home.  I’m looking forward to the next show, the concept was really brilliant.

50 artists, their works were all $50 apiece.

After we walked through the show, we headed to Keystone, I was wanting some mac-n-cheese!

I, again, got the Black Sabbath, which is mac-n-cheese with steak and mushrooms, it is delish.

I also had a Rivertown porter that I cannot recall the name of, it wasn’t the Rivertown Roebling, I’ve had that a few times before, it’s super yummy, but heavier than the one I had Friday night.

Anyway, I headed home early to get some sleep, as I intended to get up early to try to catch the sunrise and capture some photos.

The alarm went off at 615, I said “Fuck it”.

Then I had to pee.

Dammit.

So I got up to pee, stumbled around and decided that I need to not be a total slug and actually accomplish something on this lovely day.

So I threw on some clothes, a knit cap, a coat, grabbed the camera bag and headed out.

It was a chilly 31 degrees as I arrived at the riverside.

I snapped a few pre-rise photos of the Roebling.  Then ventured on down the bank and got more photos as I waited.

And waited.

The sun finally came up, but behind heavy clouds, total bummer.

Pre-rise Roebling.

While I was snapping photos, there was a man also taking photos, but he was up on the paved area, I had walked down the gravel beach area.

I kept one eye on him.

I didn’t feel like getting murdered.

I formulated contingency plans in my mind.

First, if he did happen to be a serial killer, I’d scream… like a fucking banshee.  And then, I’d run.

Now, we all know that I’m not TrippyBeth for no good reason.  So, I’d probably fall.

And we all know that’s when the serial killer gets you.  So then I’d have to land a forceful kick to his balls.

If that didn’t work and he rolled me over onto my back, I’d poke him right in the eye, like they tell you to do sharks.  I mean it should work with any predator, right?

The whole time I’d continue with my banshee wailing.

I’m hoping he’d think that I was more trouble than I’m worth.

If that didn’t work, I’d put 2 fingers right up his nose and start pulling… NO ONE could take that.

All the photo taking and the battle with the imaginary serial killer, wore me out! I headed home and took a nap!

After my nap, I got my shit together and headed down to Asylum Tattoo for some new ink!

I’ve been itching for a new tattoo for a minute now, but the craving got pretty strong the last few days.

I couldn’t get appointments with Kevin or Dustin.  But I follow another artist, Joe Nickley (www.facebook.com/joe.nickley), and I’ve really admired his work.

So I messaged him and asked if he could do me on Saturday.

I got a Saturday afternoon appointment, it was perfect timing!

Joe gave me a fantastic brightly colored hummingbird!  It looks awesome right below my peach blossoms!

We were both super stoked with the outcome!

The stencil.

The black outline.

Joe hard at work.

Under the needle!

The finished work!

I chose a hummingbird because they are love charms, in some cultures; they actually wear dead hummingbirds in bags around their necks!

I would never go that far… but hopefully this guy will bring me some luck in the love department!

Saturday night, I laid low, played with photos and was hungry.

Sunday morning I finally got out of bed, got it together and took a little road trip along the Ohio River to get some photos.

I stopped under a bridge, at St.Anne’s Convent and at a little country church and cemetery.  I got some pretty good shots, which I’m pretty happy with!

St. Anne's... see more photos here.

Then I got some groceries, not a moment too soon!

Got home, edited photos, and worked on a couple of art projects.

It was a good weekend.

Let’s hope that the week ahead is good as well!