Take Me Away...

Well, last night I failed to meet the goals that I had set for myself on Monday.

I suck.

My goal was to write 500 words a day, and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I had done it, written in excess of 500 words actually.  But last night, NOTHING.

I wasn’t feeling it, honestly.  But even writing 500 words that you end up deleting is better than not writing at all… gotta train the brain.

Yea, that’s right.

I do write 500+ words a day on the blog, but I seriously need to work harder on the fiction.

The current piece I’m working on, I truly have no idea where it’s going.  Not like the novel that I have pretty much hashed out in my head.  But, I can’t go back to the novel now without thinking of B.  I don’t know if I can write it without him.  I guess I just need more time to heal. 

Who am I going to read it to?  I would read it over the phone to him as he drove; it really helped to work out the kinks.  You don’t realize how something doesn’t flow or just sounds jerky until you actually read it aloud.  As a writer himself, he gave fantastic suggestions and helped me take the story in directions that a reader could appreciate.

I have so many notes that he and I made for my dating book… I can’t look at them yet either.

I just need to remember the things he taught me. 

So, tonight, I will write!!

Well, I think I’m gonna take a little vacation after Christmas.  Going south.  For a little over a week.

I can’t wait.  I so need to get away from everything, recharge, reboot! 

Now I’m looking for flights… UG… they’re all over $100 higher than they were when I traveled in May.  I could save about $50 by flying out of Dayton.  However, I don’t think it would be worth the drive and having someone drive me all the way to Dayton.  I should just go on the Delta website, book it and be done with it.

But, I’m the girl that HATES paying full price!! I’ll shop around a little bit over the weekend.   I seriously doubt I’m gonna find a deal, especially on a non stop flight. 

I’m super psyched though!!  I’ll need to dig out some summer clothes, glad no one ever took the totes of summer clothes to the basement!  I guess I can quit complaining about that now!

A little sun, NO FROST, no gloves… I’m so excited!!!!!!!

Come on December 27!!!!!

Let's Be Honest... THIS SUCKS

I have been in the online dating world for about 3 years now, on and off.

I know, it’s shameful.  But, it is what it is.

What I’ve noticed, recently especially, is that the same faces are appearing in my “Matches”.  Not just a couple, but MANY, if not the majority.  The same faces for the last THREE years.

What I also realize is that my face is continually coming up in their matches as well… awesome.

But when I think that I must look like a loser, I have to think “I’m not the only one”.

So, either I’m not the only loser, we all are…

OR

This dating thing just doesn’t work.

That statement isn’t accurate either.  It’s not that “dating” as a general rule doesn’t work.  I mean, the vast majority of people date before they commit, unless you’re securing your wife off the interwebs and there is an exchange of money or your parents have arranged an exchange of fine goats for your hand in marriage.

Since I haven’t figured out how to become a mail order bride, it should be deduced that INTERNET dating doesn’t work, at least from my perspective.

I’ve thought that it hasn’t worked for me because I’m some sort of unlovable weirdo.  But as I keep seeing so many familiar faces, I am convinced I’m not the only unlovable weirdo. 

OR

We are just not good at matching ourselves up.

But I did eHarmony.  Letting “science” match me up with someone who would see how awesome I am.  IT DID NOT WORK.

I repeat, IT DID NOT WORK.

Have me and every other familiar face on the dating site, become so jaded that we don’t take a chance with people that don’t 100% fill our checklist?

Are our expectations so high that no one could meet them?

Are we so damaged that we can’t even commit?

Have we been so burnt that subconsciously we’ve decided to be alone, while consciously still putting ourselves out there? But only half-heartedly.

Are we so fucked up that no one will truly want us?

If I knew what the answer was I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I’d be running a successful match making business.  Charging a nominal fee to match people with someone they’d actually be happy with.

Hell, I’d be willing to dish out a little cash to end this whole dating nightmare.  I’d venture to guess that I wouldn’t be the only one.

I think that part of the problem is that we are not being honest.

I don’t mean that we are being dishonest with potential paramours.  I mean dishonest with ourselves.  About what our needs truly are. It’s not an intentional dishonesty, we don’t even really know.

There are things that I know I cannot live with; they are the big glaring things like:  alcoholism, lying, cheating, and just being an all around asshole. 

But other things I don’t know until I am confronted with them.

I will give some examples, don’t judge me.  I am just being honest with myself and YOU.

*The motor mouth.  Someone who talks incessantly just isn’t going to work for me.  Silence can be a beautiful thing.  And when two people are comfortable with some silence between them, well that’s a fantastic sign in my opinion.

*The Houdini.  The guy who chats you up for days… then *poof* he’s gone.  Without even a goodbye.  Then appears back on the radar. 

*The Sexy Talker.  This guy immediately starts out telling you that you’re “hot”, your photos give him “wood”, and he keeps thinking naughty thoughts about you.  All this before you’ve met.

Don’t get me wrong, sexy talk between people that are involved is fun, but as initial conversation, it frightens me.

*The Life Story Teller.  I don’t want to know everything about your ex (or every ex you’ve ever had) before we’ve had our third date. When you reveal too much information too early, it screams that you haven’t moved on.

A little information is fine; we all have baggage, but some things you should check along with your coat.

I know I sound petty.  But come on, everyone had little things that get under their skin.  Let’s just be open and admit them.

I know what could be helpful to us that have been “out there” for a while, would be the “exit interview”.  As long as everyone was honest and constructive, not mean and vengeful.  When a relationship ends, let’s do each other a favor and have one final discussion.

Here are the things that I really liked about you…

Here are the things you should improve on…

Here are the things you really suck at…

Ok, maybe “suck” wouldn’t be a good term to use, but you know what I mean.

While I understand that some people would never be able to conduct the interview in person, a simple questionnaire would suffice.

Let’s just be honest with ourselves and each other.  It would really simplify things.

I once had a guy tell me “you are everything that I avoid in a woman”.  Part of me really wanted to know what that meant exactly, but the ruling part of my head told me to leave it lay.  I did.  I, obviously, still think about it though.

Of course, a poorly written profile can make us appear to be something that we’re not.  Profiles that are rife with misspellings and grammatical errors turn me off.  A misspelling now and then is acceptable, poor spelling really isn’t indicative of a low IQ. However, when writing a profile on a dating site, if you’re serious about meeting someone, you should be putting your best foot forward.  It’s really no different than a resume.  Do you really think you’re gonna snag that job when your resume demonstrates that you don’t even know how to utilize spell-check?  Negative Ghost Rider.

I’ve tried to be honest in my profile, which is probably why it’s so wordy.  And for fuck’s sake, I hope I don’t have any misspellings or grammatical errors!!!

I’m so over this dating thing, I can’t even tell you… and my Dad doesn’t have a fine herd of goats.  He does have a nice dog, but I’m pretty sure he won’t part with him.

I guess I’m still stuck searching on my own.  I’ve had friends say “when you quit looking, that’s when you’ll find some”.

I don’t know what that even means.  A great guy will fall from the heavens right into my lap??? Uuummmm, yea, right.

I don’t think that either “searching” or not will increase my odds… it is what it is.

Oh My God (dammit)

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

HOLD THE PRESSES!!

OMG girl is seeing someone.

All I can think is, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

It’s not that I wish she wasn’t see anyone, I don’t usually wish BAD things on people.  But DAMMIT, I want a turn!

I don’t say OH MY GOD all the time, although I’ll concede that I may say FUCK a little too much, but only when it’s appropriate.

I’m not hideous all the time (I am today).

I’m fairly intelligent.

I’m a fantastic kisser.

I’ve been told I’m funny and fun to be around.

Sometimes I look like a “cute cartoon character” (that was sarcastic).

I like to think that I’m lovable.  I suppose I’m disillusioned.

FUCK.

I'm Good... No, REALLY, I'm GOOD

I’m back!!

Did you miss me?

I was so beshittified yesterday.  This stupid fever thing just will not release me from its sweaty grip!

But, I am feverless today, and back at it!  I am hoping that maybe my immune system has rebooted.  I so wish I had Ctrl-Alt-Delete keys…Sigh.

You may skip this paragraph if you don’t want to hear/read any whining…

I am so fucking tired of being sick!!!  And I’m especially tired of being sick and ALONE.  I really think that being lonely is hindering my recovery.  I need a neck nuzzle and some sugar!!!

Ok, the whining is done for the moment…

I wore lipstick this morning in an attempt not to look so hideous, because, trust me, I am hideous.  Everyone commented on how “cute” I looked when I walked in the office this morning.

Bizarre. 

MUST. BUY. MORE. LIPSTICK.

That has to be it; I frightened myself when I looked in the mirror this morning.

Today, I feel like talking a little music.

Kid Rock just released his new album.  Now, I love me some Kid Rock, old school Kid Rock and a lot (not all) of his new stuff.  But this album… well, it’s a turd.  I hate to say it, I really do, but it’s not good.

The first release “Let’s Ride” has been playing on the radio for several weeks; it’s the best song on the album, which explains it being the first release.  But the chorus is rough, no flow… it starts out with some promise, but once the chorus starts, I just want to change the station.  Sadly, in Cincinnati, there really aren’t any stations to change to.

But, I digress.

The rest of the songs, I could barely listen to in their entirety.

I’d save my $$ and not download “Rebel Soul”.

But I did discover a new band out of LA, Vintage Trouble (http://www.vintagetrouble.com/)  and WOW!  I’m in love with these boys!  Great bluesy vibe.  And they’re adorable, which is a bonus!

The lead has a voice that reminds me of Andy Brewer from Taddy Porter (http://www.taddyporter.com/) and I LOVE Taddy Porter, I try to catch them every time they’re in town.

I’ve downloaded Vintage Trouble’s album, “The Bomb Shelter Sessions” and I’m really enjoying it, ALL OF IT, which is unusual.  There aren’t many albums that I’ve loved the whole thing, except for the White Stripes, of course, and “Back in Black”, “Rock N Roll Jesus” and there are others I can’t think of this early.

So, if you dig some blues, check these boys out.

And while you’re at it, check out Tyler Bryant (http://tylerbryantmusic.com/) I’m lovin’ this kid too… he was actually in town a while back, but I didn’t know until that day and didn’t go, hopefully I’ll be able to catch him the next time he’s in town!

On December 8, I FINALLY get to see Seven Mary Three!!  I had tickets to see them in May, and then booked my vacation for the same time, because I thought the tickets were for June.  I know, I’m a tard, but I had an awesome vacation.  I sold the tickets to JS, who ended up being out of town for work and didn’t get to go either.  It just wasn’t meant to be.

So the moment I discovered they were coming back, I bought two tickets!  Now, again, as usual, I have no date for the show.  I suppose I need to work on that in the upcoming week.  Ug.

One of my all time FAV songs!

I have a question for the entire male population out there…

WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE SUBMISSIVE MEN OUT THERE??

I get A LOT of messages from these guys offering to do “anything I want”.  I am not a dominant type of girl AT ALL.  And, I promise you, there are no photos on my profile of me in leather with a whip, offering up a ball gag to whoever wants to be a good boy. 

I want a MAN THAT IS A MAN, that acts like a MAN.  I prefer manly, dominant men.  But, hey, that’s just me… I’m sure there are girls out there that are more than happy to tie a dude up and offer a little torture for shits and giggles. 

But, that girl is not me fellas, sorry.

And while I’m bitching… what’s up with the MARRIED GUYS? 

Am I going to have to add a disclaimer to my profile “NOT INTERESTED IN MARRIED GUYS”??

They’re all looking for a little fun “on the down low”.  Occasionally, they are in “OPEN” relationships, which I am very suspicious of.

When I decline their very generous offers, I get “well, don’t you want to have a little fun until you find a man”??

Uuuuummmm, no thanks dude, I’m good.

Pass The Cheese, I Already Have the Whine

Now for a mish-mash of blogging…

First I’ll give you Exhibitionist Guy.

Is rubbing off on cam really a big thing?  Sheesh, I get asked if I wanna “watch” with moderate regularity.  And I do NOT have anything in my profile saying that’s my THING.  I’m pretty visual, I think, for a girl.  Usually women aren’t excessively turned on by watching.  That’s why porn is such a man’s game.  I especially wouldn’t get turned on knowing that all I could do was watch.  Kinda takes the fun out of it, in my opinion.

I mean, if you’re in a long distance relationship, I totally get the camming.  But a total stranger?  AND you know that his arousal has NOTHING to do with YOU, just his thing for having someone watch him.

Again, isn’t Tumblr for that?  Some folks wanna watch, so match the watchers up with the strokers and it’s a match made in heaven… well heaven might not be the best term.

But, go on with your bad selves!! Just don’t involve me, K?

I will say that I may have a tiny exhibitionist streak of my own, but not to show off to total strangers.  Someone accused me of liking to show off my boobs this weekend! I was shocked at the accusation! I denied it!

"Do you like your boobs?" I was asked.

"Well of course I do" I answered.

That doesn't make me addicted to showing them off, although I may concur that a photo with a little cleavage is not a bad thing!

I must really be racking up the REM sleep lately, I’ve been dreaming like CRAZY.

Over the weekend I had a few interesting dreams.

The first:

I dreamt I married someone I went to elementary school for 2 years with.  I haven’t seen him in FOREVER, although we do chat some on Facebook.

In the dream, we married, went to bed (no brown-chicken-brown-cow) and when we woke up the next morning he asked “Are we ever going to make out?” 

This particular guy had told me, recently, that when I came to their school (4^th & 5^th grade) that the boys all had crushes on me.

I was flabbergasted!! I just felt like the new weird girl.  If I had known, WOW what it would have done for my self esteem!  May have changed the whole course of my life!

The second:

I dreamt I was married to a way older man and we lived in this huge house.  My bedroom was on the third floor, in an attic-like room.  In one window there was a window air conditioner.  I walked past it and it FELL OUT!  BLAM, down on the driveway.

So, older husband comes home, I tell him about it, and he’s FURIOUS.  I tell him that obviously he didn’t install it right or it wouldn’t have fallen out so easily.

Weird.

The common theme here is that I’m married.  In the second dream, I just felt married. Maybe because there was some obvious misery going on?

Now, I’m  not TOTALLY against marriage, I’m not.  It works out great for some people, I know that.  I just feel that I can be just as committed to someone, without a marriage license as I could be with one.  I’d have no problem living in sin…  we all know TrippyBeth digs a little sinnin’!

It can’t be all that bad, people keep doing it… even the gay folks want to do it (which I totally support BTW), if it’s a right for some of us, it should be a right for all of us!  Doesn’t government have bigger fish to fry anyway?

Of course, it’s not as though that situation is anywhere on my horizon!

The last time I was proposed to it was via Facebook from someone I’ve never even met! Sigh… I don’t think that could be considered a REAL proposal.  And the time before that, the guy that suggested we fly out to Vegas and get married, ended up ALREADY BEING MARRIED.  For fuck’s sake.  I asked him what he had planned to do once we got to Vegas.  He said that he had planned to explain everything on the plane (where I’d be a captive audience).  And of course, because he was so awesome, I’d totally be ok with being the other woman, something I swore I’d NEVER be…

Uuuuuummmmm, yea… NO FUCKING WAY!

Some people really do have dumb kids.

At this time, the whiney portion of the blog will commence, so you may leave if you have no patience for it.

Yesterday I was beshittified, AGAIN.  I just can’t seem to kick whatever this is.  So I was down for the day with fever and just general crapification.  I feel like a broken record, same story different day.

So I had a doctor’s appointment this morning. 

Told him of the fevers and the joint pains.

He thinks that it could be that my immune system is still whacked out from when I had the flu, and it’s so confused that it’s attacking my joints.  Big surprise that something in me would be confused, amiright?   It’s a wonder I can even make it to work every day, my brain is so overloaded with ideas, phobias, questions, platypuses (?)….

Anyway… he said to give it a MONTH!

It could seriously take that long.  If it isn’t better by then, we will assume that the joint tomfoolery is from the Dermatomyositis and not my fucked up immune system. Yay!  At that point we will increase the Methotrexate again… I was hoping to avoid that, but this joint stuff performs major donkey fellatio.

So I’m supposed to get plenty of rest, eat well and ride this out for a little while longer… I so want a magic wand waved over me… anybody got one???

Before I left the office, I peacefully surrendered 4 vials of blood and they sent me back out into the cold…

I did get complimented on my shoes, they ARE super cute!!

I’ve left this week virtually unplanned, I’m gonna chill out, try to eat right and hopefully write…

That is the plan anyway, we will see how it works out!

Satattooday!!

Satattooday!!!

Yay!! Saturday I traveled to Dayton to see my dude Kevin and have him add to the half sleeve I’m piecing together.

The drive was actually NICE! So much better than going after work.  Of course, any idiot would know that…

I arrive at Truth and Triumph (http://tattooedtv.com/) and Kevin (http://tattooedtv.com/kevinbyers.html) is waiting.  He works on the drawing… brings it to me, I’m diggin it, and he has the apprentice put the stencil on.

I’m happy!  Then we start the inking.

And if you haven't been to Truth & Triumph Tattoo, I can't recommend it highly enough.  Super clean, super friendly folks, you'll feel right at home!!!

Thankfully, the arm is not a painful place to get tattooed.  After the back, sheesh, I needed a break!!

My eyelashes look great in this photo!

This tattoo didn’t take long at all!

While we were waiting for the seeping to discontinue, we talked a little about my next portion of the half sleeve and how we (Kevin) would incorporate it.  I want a thistle next.

I love how the thistle is so beautiful, yet dangerous... And it's the symbol for Scotland, being a Scotch-Irish girl, that's a bonus!

We have an idea now about how we want to place it, and fill in other places to blend everything together.

He also wants to do a touch-up session to go over everything.  I wish he wasn’t so damn far away!!!

But he’s definitely worth the drive!!!!

Rounding Up The Holiday

Well those 4 days went too damn fast!!

Back at work, nose to the proverbial grindstone…

So the long weekend round-up…

Wednesday night, Thanksgiving Eve, I went out for a steak dinner and got ridiculously stuffed.  I couldn’t even stay awake to watch the video that we rented, The Raven.  I never did finish it.

I did have a yummy margarita though, The Texas Roadhouse didn’t really have a good selection of beer on tap, and they make a tasty margarita!

Then it was Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving morning a very small family contingent and I headed to Camp Dennison to have our meal at the Schoolhouse restaurant. The restaurant is located in (surprise, surprise) an old schoolhouse!

It’s very cute.  The menu is written on the blackboard, there is a lazy susan in the middle of every table.  Everyone gets the meat portion of their entrée served individually, and then the sides are all served family style on the lazy susan.

The meal was just OK… but the blackberry cobbler?? DELISH!!!

On the way back from dinner, we stopped by Eastfork Lake State Park (http://www.dnr.state.oh.us/parks/eastfork/tabid/732/Default.aspx) .  It was such a beautiful day!  My parents had never been there before.  There were a few people there, on bikes and a kid was on the beach with a metal detector. If I had been alone, I would have spread a blanket out on the sand and took a little post-turkey nap.  But, alas, I wasn’t.

TrippyBeth at Eastfork

My fat shadow.. it was post-turkey though.

The beach at Eastfork is lovely!

My new Thanksgiving tradition is cocktails that night.  Shocker, right?

So I whipped myself up a couple of Cys and chilled.

 

Then came Black Friday…

I am not about Christmas shopping.  I don’t even like Christmas.  I’d rather skip the whole thing altogether, I’d like to just hop on a plane and come back when it’s over.  But we all know that won’t happen.

So, since I don’t like Christmas, I do not go shopping on Black Friday to get all the super awesome deals.  I’m pretty sure I, and anyone I buy for, can live without that stuff.

However, I did venture out that afternoon, Goodwill was 50% off.  It wasn’t too crowded and I picked up a couple pairs of corduroys (love them) a new blazer, 4 bourbon glasses and a coffee warmer thingy that appears to be silver plated and old.

Shopping TrippyBeth

I also stopped by the shoe store and snagged one pair of brown boots and ordered another pair exactly like them in RED! Yay!!! I love boots.

And that was the extent of my Black Friday shopping, all for me!  I’m not a total Scrooge, I will eventually buy some people gifts… but not for a couple of weeks, don’t wanna rush it.

I am contemplating not putting a tree up this year… it’s such a hassle and I don’t even know if I’ll have any festivities at my place anyway.  So, we shall see…

More in an upcoming post…………

Dreaming of Nudists...

It’s the last day of my week!!!!  Fingers crossed that it passes uneventfully!

Last night was night #2 of crazy fucking dreams. 

The assault on my slumber last evening was the story of my mom divorcing my dad.  They’ve been married like a hundred years.  And… they were living back in the house I grew up in.

Bizarre.

I think I liked things better when I didn’t remember my dreams.  This is stressing me out!

Today I’d like to discuss nudists.

A while back I went on a few dates with a fellow that was a nudist.  I knew it up front, but I thought “what the hell”.  Even though I have absolutely NO DESIRE to become a nudist myself.

He made it pretty clear, on about the second time we saw each other, that he wanted someone to be able to join him at the nudist camp shindigs.

I am so not that girl, which I also made clear.

He said that nudity was “the great equalizer”.

That could not be farther from the truth!  Nudity is the “great emphasizer of inequalities”!

Is there really such a thing as a “great equalizer”?

Uuuummmm NO, there isn’t.

We are all never going to be equal, and should we be?  We should have equal rights, abso-fucking-lutely.  But just equal as individuals?  That’s a complete impossibility.  What it would mean would be that the bar would be set impossibly low so that EVERYONE could reach it.  What good would that do humanity?  Would I be expected to throttle my obvious expansive intellect to match that of the dude who died after eating a bucket of roaches, obviously, to win a Darwin Award?  This guy really existed and honestly, that's really sad. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/08/edward-archbold-roach-eating-contest_n_1949589.html).

Right… never gonna happen.

Some things can equalize a situation, like a Glock, or even a badminton racket, depending on the situation.

But a GREAT equalizer?

I declare that phrase be stricken from the English language, effective IMMEDIATELY.

I feel better now.

I will say, that if you are a nudist, go on with your bad self.  I could care less.  But don’t try to persuade me into joining the lifestyle by coining bullshit catch phrases.  Maybe try something like “Nudity, air out your naughty bits”  “Nudist Colony; Naked and Drunk”  

I’m obviously no marketing genius.  I mean, either you’re into it or you’re not.

I’m not opposed to nudity as a general rule, there are, most definitely, times that nudity is the only form of dress that is indicated.  Those can be some of my favorite times. 

But chillin’ with a bunch of naked folks with things sagging, flopping, NOT saggy and NOT flopping… just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Tomorrow I will endeavor to find a meal somewhere… I’m feeling sushi, but I doubt that will happen.  And maybe on Friday I will sleep all day long, that sounds soooooo awesome!!

I will be back on Monday, maybe before, but please don’t hold your breath… I cannot be responsible for deaths or brain damage…

Some Jack White and The Dead Weather today for your listening pleasure... super cool video...