Emotional Valentine's Captive

“It’s Valentine’s Day, why aren’t you wearing red?”

This is what I’m greeted with when I walk in the office this morning.

First of all… look at me; I do not look good in red.  I know this.

Second, why should I wear red to celebrate a holiday honoring martyrdom and persecution?

Just kidding.

I said I forgot.

So… planning a murder in my head makes it pre-meditated, right?

That makes bashing out the brains of the OMG girl who says yesterday “Beth sounds like she’s going through puberty” is out of the question.

I wouldn’t last one minute in jail, this I know too.

But if I think about it really hard, I can come up with a plan.

I would find out who was the biggest asshole in the whole joint.  And I would shank them.  That way I would cultivate the fear and admiration of the rest of the convicts and my remaining time would be pleasant… well as pleasant as prison could be.

But then, I remember that I am not a bad ass.

So, my second idea is to go totally batshit crazy and get thrown into solitary, that way I wouldn’t have to become anyone’s bitch.  I’m pretty sure I’d be no good at that, then I’d get shanked, and I can’t have any of that.

Obviously, I’ve over-thought this.  It’s what I do.  I haven’t even broken any major laws that would get me thrown in the pokey.  But, I’ve watched LifeTime movies; I know bad shit can happen to innocent people, so it’s always good to have a plan.

I am nothing without plans.

I have spent my Valentine’s Day morning contemplating what I’d do if wrongfully convicted and thrown in jail.

What does that say about me?

Aside from the obvious, I don’t have a Valentine of my own…

It could say that I over think things.  Which isn’t untrue.  Don’t I have enough things to think about that actually matter?  Things that are important?

Yes, I do, but I prefer not to think about those things.

“I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow” so eloquently spoken by Scarlett O’Hara.

This is the last I’ll post on Valentine’s Day until 2014. Unless, of course, something really awesome happens for me between now and midnight,  I’m not going to hold my breath though.

In honor of VD, I’d like to talk for a minute about emotional un-availability.

I’m aware of what it means, I think I’ve suffered from it in the past, but I didn’t know, or recognize the fact.

The reason I bring it up, I hear from someone that I have seen in the past.  We never “dated exclusively” but went out a few times and had fun, he’s a great, good looking, employed, normal kinda guy.  Things just never went anywhere, I don’t know why.

Maybe I was emotionally un-available?

Anyway, he says he wants to see me a couple of weeks ago, while I was firmly locked in the throes of pleurisy.  I asked for a rain check.

We chat again about a week later.  He reiterates that he wants to see me.  I am not opposed to this.

“So, what are you thinking? Is this a date or just a hook up situation?” I ask.  Don’t get me wrong, I have no moral opposition to this, I just like to know what I’m getting into.

His reply “I’m emotionally un-available right now.”

What the actual fuck?

“So you’re saying you just want to hook up?”

“I just want to be hedonistic, treat women the way they’ve treated me.”

I’m not sure what has happened to him.  I tried to reassure him that not all women are cheating, lying hos, he was having none of it.  Something shitty definitely happened to him.

Fundamentally, I am in favor of hedonism, but I didn’t jump on this particular debauchery train.

Maybe I’m holding out for emotion.  Could TrippyBeth be growing up?!?!

Say it isn’t so!

Have a glorious VD my friends!! Give someone a flower, it’ll make their day!!