Happy HoHoHolidays!

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hope that everyone else is off work today and enjoying the holiday.

I am at the office for at least a half day.

Since I’ll be off after Thursday, I really need to hump today to get a lot of work done.

So… there will be nothing clever from me today.

I know you’re disappointed.

I’ll leave you with some Christmas tunes…

Love my Irish boys!

What Christmas is complete without the Boss??

I love this, takes me back to my roots!!

I HOPE SANTA BRINGS YOU EVERYTHING THAT YOU ASKED FOR.... if you were good boys and girls :-)

Hat Hair Friday

“Wow your hair looks really good today”

I have hat hair and get compliments, that doesn’t say much for my hair on the days that I do not wear a hat.  I love hats, maybe I should wear one every day! But some days, I just don’t want to commit my hair to it.  That was before I knew that it actually improved my hair…

Last night turned out to be a partial cluster fuck.

The wind here in the Ohtucky was brutal, knocking out power in places and with it, traffic lights.

But, I’m thinking that I don’t even have to get on the interstate, so it’ll be all good.

Wrong.

The street that leads to the Outback was seriously backed up because the traffic lights were out.

Fuck.

So, being clever, I jumped on the interstate and went down to the next exit to circle my way back.  Now I had no clue where I was going, but with the help of the iPhone GPS I finally found the way to Outback.

So, we get there; pull in to the parking lot.

NO POWER.

Fuck.

So I have to turn around, wind my way back around to the Texas Roadhouse, which is like 2 miles from my house.

We had a good time anyway and I got some of my favorite perfume as a gift!

Before we went on the dinner trek, I stopped at the Kroger to get gas.  It was C R A Z Y at the gas station, I had to wait in line and the wind was ROCKING the car.
I finally get up to the pump, swipe my card and it says "see cashier".  Goddammit.
I go to the cashier.  She just stares at me.  I say "the pump says I needed to see you".

She stares a little longer.

"Your card was declined"

What the actual fuck?

"That's not possible" I reply, with windblown attitude.

"Well you can try it again"....long pause...."Or I could try it here."

"Let's just try it here" i reply as a Kroger bag flies past my face.

She runs it and SURPRISE, SURPRISE it fucking worked.

So, I go back and pump my gas.  I made another observation while I was standing there pumping.  I think I hate people that put reindeer antlers on their cars.  They have to be assholes.  I saw one that had reindeer antlers AND an elf hat on their grill.  I couldn't even make eye contact with that woman, I instantly despised her.

Look what I found on my desk.

It’s a petrified banana.  Cool, right?

And my boss walked up as I was taking that photo for you, she looked horrified (evil smile).

I broke down and brought a cake in to the office today.  I know, I know, Ms.Grinch wavered a little bit.  I made damn sure that everyone knew that I brought it in.  No more “wow I’ve been here 3 years and never saw you bring anything in” comments, bitches!

Today, my cube-mate has the radio on a station that is playing “last requests” as homage to the whole end of the world bullshit Mayan prediction crap.

Let me say this, if I requested some of the shitty songs that these people are requesting, it would be the end of the world for me, I would totally take myself out.  I can’t even explain to you how awful the musical selections are, even the DJ is like “are you sure this is what you want to hear?”  I’m pretty sure he is wishing the world would have ended before his shift so he wouldn’t have to listen to this or be responsible for playing it.  Poor guy, I bet he’s contemplating taking himself out too.

So… earbuds IN…

Alabama Shakes, my friends, dig it.

Raining on the Grinch

It is raining like a motherfucker out there this morning.  The rain was assaulting me horizontally as I walked in to the office.  I have a giant umbrella that I had to position in front of me, so that I couldn’t see where I was walking.  I silently hoped that any car that could be driving around the parking lot would quickly spot me and not run me over, I have a giant pink umbrella, I carry it just to keep from being slain by a little old lady in a medical building parking lot, and to try to keep dry.

I was soaked from the waist down, go me.

]

The view from the office.

Holidays at the office.

Fuck me.

Everyone is bringing gifts for everyone, food, cards, you name it.

Except, guess who??

Yea, you got it, me.  I’m the office Grinch, and I’m totally ok with it.  I do not like Christmas, I hate Christmas music especially.  That makes me the odd ball in the office, well it’s one of the reasons I’m the odd ball in the office.  I truly do not give a fuck about that.

What I do give a fuck about, is that they are playing Christmas music.  I know, I know, it’s less than a week before the HoHoHoliday, I know that I can’t go into a store or a restaurant without having my ears and brain assaulted by the merriment or depression of the music (Little Drummer Boy? Sheesh).  But at work, I should be allowed to work without being subjected to it.  But no, apparently the majority rules.

Once again, Universe, I thank you for ear buds. And today it’s comedy on Pandora.

I did get my tree up last night and wrapped a couple of gifts, as my first Christmas event is tonight, eating at Outback, then back to my place for gift exchange.  I had to add something to the living room so it is known that we are exchanging Christmas gifts and that it’s not someone’s birthday.

I only carried up the tree from the basement.  The ornaments are in giant boxes, and fuck it I wasn’t carrying that up.  so I decorated the tree with a couple of things that I could find, skeletons and a voodoo doll.

Happy fucking holidays.

I just need to survive until I board that plane on the 27^th!!!

That's me, in the middle, waving.

Piss and Moan Wednesday

Some days, I like to pretend that I’m a real big-girl writer.

No, I’ve never had anything published, and I’m approximately 100 pages into a novel, with vast work yet to be done.

But, I sit in front of a computer, I put words into it. 

I make notes, list after list after list. 

I do research. 

I’ve made actual family trees for my characters. 

I’ve drawn diagrams of houses and buildings.

And… I drink, I obsess, and I’m obviously neurotic… so I’m a real writer. 

Right???

I’ve recently acquired a couple of new friends, writers themselves. I think that aside from having someone to bounce work/ideas off of, it will be good to share frustrations with someone who could possibly understand.

I can lament “I wish I could finish this fucking novel”.

Normal people would say “Well, just finish it then.”

Writers would say “Here, have a shot of bourbon.”

Writers are simultaneously horrible influences and totally awesome.

I want… no I NEED encouragement… I know, that’s pathetic… but that’s how I roll.  Since B died, I’ve felt lost as a writer.  I wrote the short story about a very personal experience and then decided to start something entirely new.  I had no idea where the story was going, unlike the novel, I just went with it.

After about 10 pages I had an epiphany.  The protagonist was the same as in my novel, just at a different stage in her life.

My editor friend says this is to be expected, since both characters are based loosely on myself….

Well, fuck.

Now, I’m back at work on the novel.

I’ve gotten some really great feedback on it, with the few people I’ve shared it with.  I think I’m on the right track…

If I just didn’t have to fucking work, I could really make something happen.

Yea, right.

But… in the span of a few days, I’ve been called a “sophisticated writer” (clearly this person doesn’t know me) and an “artsy chick”.

I dig it.  Even if I’m not quite sure it fits.  I can’t say that it’s appropriate to describe me as “sophisticated” but, hey, I’ll take it.

I once went to a couple of meetings of a local writers group, with stars in my eyes.

B told me that I’d hate it.

“No” I thought “They’ll be cool like me.”

B was right.

If you write about faeries, that’s cool, that’s your thing, go on with your bad self…

BUT…

DO NOT SUGGEST THAT I CHANGE MY CHARACTERS.

These “writers” would pick apart a few pages of someone’s work a week.  Theoretically this sounds like a great idea, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

That is not what was happening.

It was mostly one dude postulating and the librarian trying to make everyone feel comfortable.  I was totally insulted for the other writers when people were making suggestions to change the actual characters.  The whole story is based on the motherfucking character, if you change it; it’s not the same story.  If you want to write a story about another character, write it yourself.

Oh, yea, and kiss my ass.

So that’s the last and only formal “writers group” that I’ve participated in.  I still believe that a writers group could work, as long as the gas bags are weeded out.  And no, I don’t mean a group to go to the bar and get hammered with… I mean, not until after group is over.

I read over the 1941 words I wrote while I was high on Nyquil.

It’s not awful, it needs some work, but I did get some ideas down that I had notes on.

Instead of the quote “Write Drunk; Edit Sober”

I like “Write High; Let Someone Else Edit”

So… while I’m in sunny Florida, I plan to WRITE!

Pound some of this shit out!!

Hold me to it folks!!

Horror, Heartbreak and the Holidays

I’ve been gone for a while, have you missed me????  I’ve missed you!

I really haven’t had much to say lately, I’m positively boring!  I’ve even had to take a little Facebook break.

All of the talk about the horror in Sandy Hook, god and gun control has been too much for me.  I generally do not participate in conversations about politics or religion.  I did have to chime in on a couple of conversations, but now I just can’t say much more.

I’m a pro-gun agnostic.  I support better mental health care, recognition and treatment. For every kid that does something this horrific, how many more are out there struggling with similar thoughts?

Is it our environment that’s ruining these children? Are we breeding them?  There are definitely some mental health issues in children now that we don’t understand, like Autism and, obviously, whatever the fuck is wrong with these kids.  And I don’t believe it’s from video games, TV or a lack of god in their classrooms.

There were a handful of school shootings in the 70s-90s.  I don’t remember any of them, but the media wasn’t as pervasive then I suppose.  And don’t mistake that statement for me blaming the media.  Media is strictly supply and demand, if we didn’t watch it, they wouldn’t broadcast it.

That being said, I am no fan of them shoving a camera in the faces of people who are experiencing the most unimaginable tragedy of their lives. 

I have to say that on Friday, President Obama was a real man.  He expressed what the entire nation was feeling, and wasn’t afraid to show his own humanity.  I admire him for that.  Who didn’t shed a tear?

I contracted a milder version of the plague, but went to the dr yesterday and got an antibiotic and some really nice cough medicine.  I have to be well before my vacation! I certainly can’t get on an airplane like this!

Monday night I felt inspired to write, after taking Nyquil.  I wrote 1941 words, I was on a roll!  When I finished, I sent it to my editor friend and CRASHED hard.

I’ve yet to read what I wrote.  I can hardly remember, so I’m a little nervous.  But R said that it “wasn’t bad”.  So, I’ll give it a look soon… maybe.

Anyway, I’m back at work today.

Last night, I was doing my 4a bathroom run, as I was exiting the bedroom; I cracked my right ankle on my dresser.  HARD.  I went to the bathroom and threw up… it hurt like a motherfucker.  I expected it to be all nasty and black and blue this morning, since it hurt so bad, but it looks pretty normal, it still hurts though.  So I’m limping a little bit today… it’s so HOTT.

The girls that limp are the ones easiest plucked from the herd, right??

I’ll give you a brief weekend summary, it wasn’t too exciting.

Friday after work, I treated myself to a mani-pedi.  It’s weird, I’m EXTREMELY ticklish (not an exaggeration at all) but I love a pedi. 

I felt all pretty after that, and then headed down to the Party Source, which is an adult’s candy store.  I met G there and we did some booze shopping.  I spent $124.  I have NEVER gotten out of that place for under $100.  The bar is getting to be nicely stocked.  I just realized that I don’t have any tequila! How does that even happen?? KR would be disappointed in me! I will pick some up soon!

After the spirits shopping, we headed over to Joe’s Crabshack for dinner.  I got one of the best pina coladas that I’ve ever had!  I wasn’t completely swayed by the fact that it was served in a pineapple, but it didn’t hurt!!

After dinner, I headed home and racked out early.

Saturday I piddled around the apartment, and then headed to Lexington to meet the whole fan damily.  We had dinner then went to the Horse Park to see the Southern Lights.  It was nice, I rode on the tool box in the back of my Dad’s truck (in a skirt) so I could take some photos.  It wasn’t freezing, but I was pretty damn chilled by the time we parked.  I still need to edit those photos, probably won’t happen until after Christmas.

Before the family trip!

SnowBeth

On the way home, I stopped at Wal-Mart (I know, I know, I hate them, but they’re close) so I could pick up a few things and not have to leave my apartment on Sunday.  They have ridiculously expensive turkeys there!! Eeekkkkkk!!!

Postings will be sporadic over the next couple of weeks, with the holidays and my vacation.  But, if I can figure out how to post from the App, I'll try not to leave you high and dry! 

Love and Happy Holidays!

Oh, here's my favorite Christmas song, to get you in the holiday mood!



Who says Happy Holidays better than Weird Al?????

Cartoon Friday

Since I’m really lazy today, I will have to entertain you with a couple of videos and a few photos that I’ve cartoon-ized through an app on the iPhone!

I'm really diggin this guy!!

I am officially IN LOVE with these guys!!

and what list of videos would be complete from me without a Jack White video??

And seriously, where has this cartoon app been my whole life??

Green Candy Misery...

Candymakers of the world, I have a question for you (I know you’re reading).

Why are there so many damn green Spree in a pack??  Are they cheaper to make?  Is it really the preference of the American public to have so many of the green sweet/sour candies??

I think not.

It really upsets me when I have to toss out half a pack because they’re all freaking GREEN.

And, while I’m at it, Starburst folks, how hard would it be to sell packages of all RED Starburst?  I’d buy your product then, I don’t buy them now because I only eat the red and it seems pointless.

Who’s with me on this?!?!

Ok, I have a confession to make…  on my Facebook, I have been hiding all of the people that are too happy.  Everyone that is ridiculously in love and blubbering about it to the entire Facebook world… they are really my only targets, aside from the crazy Jesus people and some of the nutty right-wingers.

What kind of person does this make me?

It’s not that I want my “friends” to be unhappy, it’s not that at all.  I’d honestly like everyone to be happy, except for a population of fucking jerkfaces that I want to suffer with burning assholes for the rest of their lives…

I suppose it’s jealousy, plain and simple.  I’ve never considered myself a jealous person really.  If my friends or family got new things, houses, cars, etc. I’d always be happy for them, genuinely so.  If my house wasn’t as big or my car as fancy, I knew it was because I didn’t have that much money.  That’s an understandable explanation.

But when you can’t find someone to share your life with, that’s not really a monetary issue, unless you lived on the street or something, which I don’t.

I suppose I am suffering from a lack of the “it factor”, the thing that it takes for someone to love me…  not sure where to pick that up… I haven’t seen it at the mall or the liquor store and definitely not at the Goodwill!

So… since I lack the “it factor”, I can’t really look at anyone who seems to have it.

I am not, however, a misery-loves-company kinda girl.  Not at all.  It’s not that I wish that they wouldn’t fall in love, get engaged, get married, etc.. it’s not that at all.  I just want a little piece for me, that’s all…

Ok, enough bellyaching…

I got an email from an out of state guy who was so flattering to me… “I hope you won’t be offended, but I really adore your tits! They’re so nice and round and wonderful! So, I’m going to go before I start writing poetry about them or some obsessive nonsense!”

I’ll say this, the likelihood that I’d go out with him is slim, especially since he lives several states away… but the email kinda made my morning.  Is that crazy or what???  I'd totally want to hear a poem about my breasts!

In the words of Rachel Green “I got nice boobs”.  And sometimes I’m a little flattered when someone notices them.

Is that wrong?  I could give a shit if it is…

For today’s video selections, I give you Taddy Porter and Corey Smith.

Enjoy!

I love love love Taddy Porter!!

Desultory deductions

A few random thoughts.

#1 I love this 

#2 The radio at my desk quit picking up any decent radio stations, my last one suddenly started doing the same thing.

AND, the girl that plays the terrible music through her PC isn’t here, so guess who is DJing through her iPhone?? THIS GIRL!

DIG IT people!

#3  There is one Jewish girl in our office. So a couple of the girls put a “Happy Hanukkah” sign on her desk.  Only they spelled Hanukkah wrong, putting a C in it.  I pointed it out, but no one changed it.

 #4 We ARE getting a bonus this year, and I think it’s better than last year, if I remember correctly. YAY!!

#5 I’m over half done with my Christmas shopping! That NEVER happens this early.  I still hate Christmas… but the shopping is a necessary evil… so I’m sucking it up.

#6 I still haven’t decided whether or not to put up a tree.  It seems like too much commitment and too little time. I have this giant, unmovable, entertainment center that leaves little room for frivolous things like a tree.

#7 Maybe I prefer this pic for my book jacket.

#8 A few random cemetery shots I wanted to share…

Is this angel ready to kick some ass or what??

#9 Sometimes I wish life was optional in black in white… I definitely look better in B&W.

#10 If OMG girl doesn't quit talking about her second job at the department store, I'm going to start going in there every night and mess up all of the racks of clothes.  I will, however, draw the line at peeing in the dressing rooms... can you believe that some people actually do that?  Cretens...

#11 And finally... this just played in my shuffle... OH WEE OH WEE OH

Don't you never say an unkind word about the Time!

Bongos, Hands and Concerts...OH MY!

December the 10^th… damn. 17 days until vacation!!

I had a fairly busy weekend.

Dinner with friends at Don Pablo’s on Friday night and still didn’t have any alcohol, even though a margarita didn’t sound like a bad idea.

Saturday I shopped, after sleeping in.

It was half price day at the Goodwill, and I certainly can’t pass that up!!

The weather was warm here in the Ohtucky yet cool enough for a hat and boots, but no coat was required.

The new hat and new boots.

After the Goodwill, I headed to Old Navy.

I may not have said this before, but I hate parking lots.  There are a couple of reasons. 

One, I can seldom ever find my car.  I know that’s not the parking lot’s fault, per say, but the design makes it difficult.  Thankfully some lots have the areas numbered.  I promptly take photos of these numbers (thanks for the suggestion KR!).  I think they should all have cuter monikers, “Shopaholic 1”, “Cheapskate 4”, “RudeAss 7”, “CloseShopper 9”, “Haggard Shopkeeper 3”, “Raincheck 11”…I could go on and on.

Two, the way some dumbasses insist on parking.  Below is a case in point.

This jerk was parked within 10 spaces of the store.  So… he (I’m assuming) is an asshole AND lazy (I was assuming that the driver is a dude, not that he’s an asshole and lazy, that’s evident).  If you have a vehicle that you’re terrified of getting dinged, wouldn’t it be prudent to park farther out in the parking lot?  There were plenty of unoccupied spots in the far reaches of the lot.  But people who park like this always have an undeserved sense of entitlement…  I truly wanted to key the shit out of this truck, based on principle alone.

As I stood in the parking lot taking a photo of this idiot’s truck, a couple walked by, smiled and nodded at me.  They knew what I was going to do; social media can be a beautiful thing.  I put the pic on my Facebook page with the caption “This is how assholes park”.  This disappointing thing about this particular ass is that he’s a Free Mason, as is evidenced by the square and compass sticker on the back window.  Mason’s are supposed to be GOOD members of society; this jerk-face needs to be booted if you asked me… which no one did.

Three, the holes.  There are always divots in parking lots that are protected by some force field that makes them impossible to see until you’ve fallen in one. 

So, as I was walking out of the Old Navy, I tripped in one.  Thankfully I didn’t do a face plant, but it has to be an amusing site if you were walking near me.  As soon as it happened, I looked up to make sure that the non-parking asshole wasn’t there and watching me, he wasn’t.  Even though he was unaware of what I said about him, I didn’t want him to get ANY amusement from my plight.

Interestingly, when I looked back, I still didn’t see that fucking hole, the force field quickly recovered.

Once, a few years ago, I was leaving my office. Our parking lot, at the time, had several holes, divots, low spots, ravines and a couple of hollers.  So, I was booking it out of the office one warm summer afternoon, late for an event.  I was dressed pretty cute with Capri pants and a darling pair of wedge heels.

For me this was a dangerous combination… fast walking + cute wedge heels + parking lot ravines = parking lot face plant.

I was no more than 15 steps out of the door when…

BLAM

Face first on the black top.  Not even enough time to throw out a hand to try and catch myself.

So what does one do when such a thing happens in a public place?

Jump straight up and try and act like nothing happened.

I hobbled to my car as nonchalantly as possible.  When I got in I examine the damage.  My left knee looked like it had spent some time in a meat grinder, blood was dripping down on my cute, mother fucking wedge heels, the skin was scraped off both elbows and there was a hole in the Capri pants.  My knee hurt so bad that I just sat there and cried.  There was a lady who was walking near me when I fell, I didn’t see her, because I had tunnel vision, with my only goal being to get safely in my car.

She walked up to my window, knocked on it and asked if I was ok.  I recognized from a nearby office.

“I’m fine” I lied through a forced smile.

So that evening I limped around at the entire event. GO ME.

My third stop of the shopping trip was Pier One, where I found a hand to add to the hand collection!!

Angus looks like he doesn't trust the hand.

Then I hit Guitar Center, where I FINALLY got a set of bongos! Now I have a tambourine, maracas, a cow bell and now BONGOS, oh yea!!

By the way, I did buy a gift in there; I wasn’t shopping STRICTLY for myself.

Saturday night was the Seven Mary Three concert at the Madison Theater (http://www.madisontheateronline.com/index.php).  I USUALLY love the Madison, I’ve seen some really good shows there, and generally love the vibe.

This was far from the truth on Saturday night.

I have several complaints, which could totally have been rectified by the theater.

#1 Huge crowd. 

Now big crowds, in general, I don’t have a problem with. I’ve been to other shows there in the past that had crowds that were ridiculously small, which I blamed on poor marketing.

However, the Madison has a sweet balcony, which was not opened Saturday night.  I don’t know if they have to sell a certain number of seats before they open the balcony or not, but it was so packed that it would have made the show a lot more enjoyable had they opened it.

#2 Lack of crowd control.

I swear, the way this crowd was acting, one would have thought that they were giving away free PBR.

However, they were not.

I’m not a concert virgin, I’ve seen some rowdy crowds before, and I’m ok with that. Everyone buys a ticket and is entitled to their good time.

But for fuck’s sake, throwing drinks over the crowd and at one point someone threw a drink on stage.  Which prompted a band member to throw a drink out into the audience.

Fuck that noise.

Usually there are security guys everywhere, this night I only spotted 2.

#3 Sound sucked.

Their sound was AWFUL.  Whoever was running sound had no fucking idea what they were doing.  If you were on the floor you couldn’t hear anything but bass.

People all around me were grumbling about it.

At one point some guy behind me was screaming “Your sound guy sucks” not just once but over and over, getting progressively louder.  He was basically screaming right in my ear.  He wasn't lying.

I finally turned around to say “DUDE, SHUT UP” only to find I was yelling at a man that was about 6’3” and a good 300#.  I said my peace and turned back around, cringing a little bit.

He did listen to the 5’3” girl with red hair, and he shut up. I must be intimidating… yea that’s right.  And he OBVIOUSLY wasn’t yelling in my ear, since there was at least a 12” height difference, but it sure sounded like it.

At that point, we moved from the floor, but the crowd was just as miserable up there.  Finally, I said “FUCK IT”  I decided I’d catch them at a motorcycle rally someplace, where crowd are more civilized and maybe the venue will have their shit together.

I usually recommend the Madison, highly.  It’s always been a great place to see a show.  Kenny Wayne Shepherd blew the doors off that place a couple of years ago, The Heartless Bastards were phenomenal, and that was an enormous, super cool crowd. Interestingly, the balcony wasn’t open that night either, and I would have thought the crowd would have warranted it.

Anyway, I’ll have to see another GOOD show there before I’ll recommend it any more.  I won’t say that I’ll never go again; I mean if Taddy Porter comes back, my ass will definitely be there!

That was only the second time I've left a show before the headliner.  The last time wasn't my choice, I was escorted out by 2 very nice State Policemen.  A story for another time.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful, more Christmas shopping, napping, cleaning, the usual weekend stuff…

I did observe again this weekend that tattoos seem to make me more approachable.  This weekend I had several people (men) ask where I got my “art”, specifically asking about the dragonfly and complimenting me on it.  But they were all respectful enough that they did not touch me.

One guy seemed to be flirting, the other was an employee in a store I was shopping in, he also showed me his tattoos and whipped out his cell to show me his wife’s newest tattoo.  We talked shops a little bit, I, however, didn’t pull up my sleeves to show my other tattoos.

I don’t deserve the compliments, really.  All that I did was choose the artist and the images.  My artists deserve all the props!! 

Kevin Byers, Truth and Triumph Tattoo (http://www.tattooedtv.com/kevinbyers.html)

Dustin Zion, Asylum Tattoo (www.facebook.com/dustin.zion)

Robyn Roth, Mother’s Tattoo (http://motherstattoo.com/gallery/index.html)

GO forth my friends and have a great Monday!  So far mine isn’t too horrible, I just hope to survive it!!