Introverted Extroversion...

I’ve taken multiple personality tests over the last few years, in an attempt to understand myself and possibly what I need.

I’ve gotten a variety of results that basically say that I’m different variations of an extrovert (and obviously a little schizo).

According to Myers-Briggs, I’m an ENFP, which I’ve previously mentioned, which basically says that I’m an extrovert that relies mostly on intuition, feelings and perception.

 

I think that’s, mostly, an accurate assessment.  However, I don’t think that I’m always an extrovert.

Maybe it’s because I’m an only child and I learned to live with my own company, enjoy solitude, entertain myself, etc…

 

Sometimes I like being out with a crowd, I have a pretty large circle of friends and acquaintances, however, I am not a go-out-every-night kind of girl.  But, when I’m out, I’m OUT and I have a good time.

 

Sometimes I enjoy the peacefulness of being alone, it can be recharging.  This weekend, other than a wedding I attended, I barely spoke to another soul, aside from the cats (please don’t draw any conclusions from that).

 

Okay, now to what I wanted to discuss…

 

I am dating an introvert.  And I like dating him.  Sometimes I feel a little frustrated at the limited time that we have to spend together, because we work opposite shifts and probably because my limited extrovertedness is probably exhausting to him.

 

I am learning to slow my roll.  It isn’t easy for me.  I like to show people that I care about them; I like to make things better when I can… and this isn’t what he needs. 

 

When he was sick, it was my immediate instinct to make soup and take him things to make him feel better.  This was not what he wanted; this wasn’t how he deals with being ill… he prefers to do it alone.

 

For a little bit it stung… I was being pushed away, I wasn’t wanted… which can, in my mind, translate to “you’re not good enough”.  Which I realize is MY issue, not his and I can’t project it on him.  I may have had a moment of passive aggression, which I quickly recognized (he did too).

 

So… I’ve read several articles on “dating an introvert” and they make a lot of sense.  Basically, it’s just recognizing his needs, which are different from mine.  So we both will need to be patient with other.

 

I think he could be worth the patience… I mean I haven’t run yet… which is completely out of character for me.

No Fucking Idea...

This morning, as I was slaving away at the office, I noticed something.
I had only taken the nail polish off of the nails of my right hand... my left hand was still painted.

The first question I was asked upon this discovery was "Were you drinking?"

I actually had to think about it.

I had a few Doozers (thanks BT) Sunday night, but I think the nail polish removing occurred on Saturday, so NO I wasn't drinking.  I apparently just have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

A Doozer is blackberry schnapps, sprite and a splash of cherry liqueur.  They're pretty tasty if I do say so myself.

Some Days Suck...

Having a chronic illness sucks, in sooooo many ways.

 

First, which I don’t even have to mention, is the fact that you have a chronic illness… it’s totally unfair and sucks royally (not in a good way).

 

Second, doctor visits.  My doctor visit frequency has decreased since my diagnosis and since I refuse to go unless I’m afraid that I could possibly be dying a painful death.  If I thought I was dying lost in some beautiful reverie, it is unlikely that I’d pursue any medical care.

 

Third, medication.  I take what seems, to me, a lot of medication.  A chemo medication, steroids, anti-inflammatories, anti-chemo side effect medication, stomach medication, vitamins, and some holistic stuff.  It’s a pain to take all of this to stave off effects of my particular disorder because some of it has to be timed and you have to plan if you’re going places, it’s also expensive.  Money I’d much rather spend at the thrift store or on booze…

 

Fourth, “you don’t look sick”.  I don’t want people to think of me as “sick” really, but I also want people to understand that if I have to bow out of something, it’s not because I’m lazy.

 

Fifth, I’m fucking tired.  Not ALL of the time.  I try so hard to be the same girl that I was before I got sick.  But who am I kidding? I am so much less active now.  I still push myself to do the things that I like to do.  I get out with the camera as often as I can and I would love to do more urbex (even though after I did my last solo urbex adventure I was sick with a fever for 2 days).

Today, I feel like I’ve been exsaunguinated.

And if I over-do-it I’ll get sick with some crappy virus or something that I can’t even quantify.

 

Sixth, pain.  I’m tired of the random pain.  While it’s not debilitating, it’s exhausting.  I’ve been dealing with a slipped-rib fuckweasel malady for about a week… I’m so over it.

 

Today, I’d just really like for someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me that everything will be okay…

Hark the Herald... whatever...

Harkening back on last week...

It's surprising to me how the words "I want to see you again before Saturday" made me smile.

Sometimes I wonder...

About myself.

I blew off happy hour with KR tonight, partially because I am still fighting some rather unpleasant allergies and partially because I want to go home and drink wine... alone.

I love KR dearly and this has nothing to do with her, it is strictly me.

While drinking alone may not be healthy in everyone's eyes, sometimes it is what I need to do to right myself.  It usually works like control-alt-delete...

We shall see...

My Happy Birthday!!!

Well I have to report that I had another fantastic birthday week... 
The week culminated in a small gathering Saturday night on Mainstrasse.  The weather was perfect for sitting outside and imbibing... and of course people watching... and laughing, there was lots of laughing!
I have to admit to one fairly critical mistake that I made Saturday night... I didn't stick to just one alcohol.
When will I learn??  Once I start drinking, EVERYTHING sounds like a great idea.
We started the evening with a little absinthe... which totally had me buzzing before it even hit my stomach.
Then there was bourbon and coke at the bar, some Horny Goat, then some Pink Ladies... the Pink Ladies did it... pushed me totally over the edge...
Even with the brutal hangover that I had Sunday, my birthday was AWESOME!
I really liked having BT out with me (flutters eyelashes).

 

Anyway... for your viewing (dis)pleasure... teenage TrippyBeth.... It's hard to tell, but that is an elephant on my velour sweater... UG

 

Touch Me NOT

I have to take this opportunity to tell you all what a fantastic birthday week I’m having!!

Saturday and Monday were dinners with my family, and then Tuesday BT took me out to dinner.  J

Yes, I’m totally dorking out… but it feels good and I don’t apologize!

Tonight my girls and I are going out for sushi and sake! YAY!  I have the best girlfriends in the entire world… I’m sorry for you if you are not in our circle of trust, but I’m sure your friends are just fine.

Tomorrow night, I am laying low, in anticipation for Birthday Shenanigans on Saturday night!

Yes, I LOVE birthdays!! That being said, I’ve had some really shitty ones in the past.  I’ve had really shitty holidays of every kind, honestly.

In the past 4 years, I’ve had some lonely holidays, some drunken holidays and some nice ones… I may not like Christmas, still, but it doesn’t inspire the feelings of dread that it used to.

Saturday night will be a blending of my worlds… BT will be meeting some family and some of my friends.  They are all awesome, and he is awesome, so it should be just fine… I’m, surprisingly, not nervous about it.  I hope he isn’t.

 

Tuesday night, after our delicious dinner at Don Pablo’s, we stopped by the Village Pub for a couple of beers.  We chose the Horny Goat brews, which were quite tasty!

 

There was a guy sitting one barstool away from me, who I hadn’t noticed, until he felt the impulse to touch my arm whilst commenting about my dragonfly tattoo.  Then, he proceeded to lift the back of his own shirt to show me his tattoo on his shoulder and give me a brief lesson in his family history.

 

I’ve lamented here before, the fact that people think that it’s perfectly acceptable to touch me.  Most of those complaints were about people that I actually KNOW touching me.  I have a big problem with that, but being touched by a stranger does not play into my wheelhouse, AT ALL!

I mean what the fuck? 

Having a visible tattoo is not an invitation to fondle me.  I continue to be stunned by the people who think that it is acceptable.  Were they raised by wolves? 

Anyway, BT said “I think he likes some Trippybeth.”

I’m not sure that was the case at all… I just think the guy had a few drinks and, perhaps, left his manners in the potty.  So, I blew it off… I had much better things to focus on…